


the voltron family

by majimedeku



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Humor, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Implied Sexual Content, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lance (Voltron) is a Good Boyfriend, Lance (Voltron) is a Good Friend, M/M, MFE Pilots (Mentioned), Memes, Multi, Platonic Relationships, Post-Canon, Protective Shiro (Voltron), References to Canon, Season eight was bullshit so im fixing it, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Smitten Keith (Voltron), Smitten Lance (Voltron), Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Team as Family, Texting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, broganes, everyone is trying their best, group chats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-07-28 00:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16230317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majimedeku/pseuds/majimedeku
Summary: space ace: thenperish.PNGbi boh bitch: stop sending dead memes and help me!!(Discontinued)





	1. gay ass bitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance makes a group chat. Breakfast is had. Shenanigans ensue.

biboh bitch _created a chat!_ (03:03 AM) 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : sweet now how do I work this (03:04 AM) 

 

bi boh bitch _changed the chat name_ _to_ gay ass bitches (03:04 AM)

 

biboh bitch _added_ Desertcryptid _,_ Vrepit Sal _,_ space ace _,_ TakashiShirogane _,_ Adam s _._ _and_  Allura _to the chat!_ (03:04 AM)

 

 **space ace** : lance its 3 in the god damn morning (03:16 AM) 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ur point?  

 

 **space ace** : go the fuck to sleep  

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : no u  

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Fucks sake Lance  

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : babe!!  

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I am literally right beside you  

 

 **space ace** : we get it youre gay  

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ur just jealous gremlin  

 

 **space ace** : i am very asexual  

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Lance if you dont put the phone down and go back to sleep Im going to throw it out the window  

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : make me ;) 

 

 **space ace** : its too early for this bullshit  

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : All of you go to bed, now. 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : oh shit its the Dad Voice™  

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Lance.  

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : alright alright im going  

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Thank you.  

 

 

Desert cryptid _has left the chat!_ (07:05 AM)

 

 **space ace** : on no you dont 

 

space ace _has added_ Desertcryptid _to the chat!_ (07:05 AM)

 

 **space ace** : if i have to be here so do you 

 **space ace** : suffer 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Let me leave in peace 

 

 **space ace** : not until you tell me why youre up at ass oclock in the morning 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Why are you 

 

 **space ace** : i asked you first 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** **:** I asked you second 

 

 

 **space ace:** i didnt sleep last night (07:23 AM) 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** **:** I got about maybe three hours. 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Anyways you wanna come over to Adashis? Theyre making breakfast  

 

 **space ace** : dont you mean adams making breakfast 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Yeah that 

 

 **space ace** : can i bring my marshmallow gun 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : No. 

 

 **space ace** : im gonna do it anyways 

 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I cant believe u guys had breakfast w/o us!!! 😭😭😭 (08:36 AM) 

 

 **space ace** : i cant believe youre up before noon 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I didnt come here to be cyberbullied 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : did u at least save me any pancakes? 

 

 **space ace** : no 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : this is biphobia 

 

 **space ace** : explain 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch:** im bi and it upsets me 

 

 **Adam s** **.** : don’t worry, Lance, i'm making you some now! 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Adam stop kissing ass we already know Lance is your favorite 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ghfcffxhwnd 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I am?? 

 

 **Adam s.** : :) 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : everyone else can go home adam is the only one that matters now 

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : :( 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : hunk im so sorry ull always be my #1 

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : you only like me for the food, don’t lie to me 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I have no idea what ur talking abt 

 

 

 **space ace** : you know damn well its true (08:47 AM) 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : this is slander 

 

 **space ace** : [whyareyoubooingme.GIF](https://tenor.com/es/ver/why-are-you-booing-me-im-right-gif-10368876)

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : thats a dead meme and u know it 

 

 **space ace** : idc 

 

 **Adam s.** : whenever you’re ready to come over, your pancakes are ready Lance! 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : adam im so in love with you pls marry me

 

 **Adam s.** : sorry, i'm not interested in children 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : tbchcbtmhirjv 

 

 **space ace** : shot DOWN 

 

 **Adam s.** : i'm also married to your boyfriend’s older brother 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : speaking of my boyf where is he 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I miss him 

 

 **Adam s.** : he’s currently giving Takashi a heart attack by performing increasingly more dangerous knife tricks 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : mmm yes knife tricks are hot 

 

 **space ace** : stop being gay for 5 seconds and come collect your boyfriend before he actually gives shiro a heart attack  

 **space ace** : that idiot already died before i dont need it to happen again 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : aw pidge u do care!! 

 

 **space ace** : fuck off 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ily2 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : anyways im not going over to shadams for keith im going for the pancakes 

 

 **space ace** : mooch 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : excuse u 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Congratulations, Lance, you successfully made Keith sulk. 

 

TakashiShirogane  _sent an attachment:_ I’msoemo _._ PNG (08:51 AM)

(Picture of Keith brooding and glaring at the phone with his arms crossed.) 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Delete that 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Now why on Earth would I do that? 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Shiro dont make me takcle you again 

 

 **space ace** : takcle 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : takcle 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : takcle 

 

 **Adam s** _._ : takcle 

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : takcle

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Traitors all of you 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : u love us babe 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Debatable 

 

TakashiShirogane _sent an attachment:_  Lookathissmile _._ PNG(08:53 AM)

(Picture of Keith smiling softly at his phone.) 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : He does. :) 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Thats it 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : keith no dont hurt my future brother in law!!! 

 

 **space ace** : im sorry what 

 

Adam s _. sent an attachment:_ myboys _._ PNG (08:54 AM)

(Picture of Shiro and Keith wrestling on the ground. Keith has Shiro in a headlock.) 

 

 **space ace** : its even more entertaining in person 

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : are they both okay? 

 

 **Adam s.** : oh they’re fine, this is just how they are 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : whos winning??

 

 **Adam s.** : not your boyfriend that’s for sure 

 

 **space ace** : 5 bucks says shiro wins 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : 10 says its keith!! 

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : i'm going to have to vote for Shiro on this one 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : hunk :( 

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : sorry buddy, Shiro is freakishly strong 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : so is keith!! 

 

 **space ace** : thats because youre a twig 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ill have u know that I happen to have a thing for men who can bench press me 

 

 **space ace** : gay 

 

 

 **space ace** : lance you owe me and hunk 10 bucks (09:02 AM) 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : gdi 

 

 **space ace** : eat it loser 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : sorry if im eating anyone its keith 

 

 **space ace** : jesus christ i could have gone my entire life without you ever saying that 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I only speak the truth 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : _Lance_.  

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : uh oh 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I was too late to stop you from making the joke, but I’m not too late to scold you. 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : but shiro!! 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : No ‘buts,’ Lance.  

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I can handle a lot of things but sexual humor where my brother is the subject matter isn’t one of them. 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : sorry shiro...  

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Apology accepted, Lance.  

 

 **space ace** : shiro,,,,, youre such a dad 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Well, they don’t call me ‘Space Dad’ for nothing. 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Also, Lance, I’m not sure if you’ve forgotten but your pancakes have gotten cold. 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : FUCK IM ON MY WAY 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : About time you noticed 

 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Wait did you say future brother in law (09:17 AM)


	2. Lance Makes a Marriage Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coran is added to the chat and Keith has a crisis.

**bi boh bitch** : all im saying is I would have totally won if u hadnt so rudely deprived me of ammo before shoving me in the middle of a marshmallow war against team shadam (09:52 AM) 

 

 **space ace** : youre just mad because you lost 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : they had an unfair advantage!! 

 

 **space ace** : youve defeated homicidal aliens with way less 

 **space ace** : i dont see what the problem is 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : the _problem_ , pidge, is that I didnt get to finish my pancakes  

 

 **Adam s.** : you know there's plenty more where that came from, Lance 

  

 **bi boh bitch** : this is why ur my favorite shirogane 

 **bi boh bitch** : sorry babe sorry shiro adam is the best now

 

 **Adam** **s.** : :) 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : I’ve been replaced. 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : My heart will never be whole again. 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : I will live as a lonely and broken man for the rest of my days, mourning my former position as the favorite with only my fifteen cats to comfort me. 

 

 **Adam s.** : stop being so dramatic, Takashi, you know i love you 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I love you too, Adam. 

 

 **Adam s.** : ❤️ 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : ❤️

 

 **space** **ace** : disgusting 

 

 **Vrepit Sal** : but hold on, Keith isnt a Shirogane 

 

 **Desert cryptid** : Not legally anyway 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : Yet. 

 

 **Desert cryptid** : ??? 

 

 **Adam s.** : according to current U.S. law no individual is inherently too old to go through the legal adult adoption process.  

 **Adam s.** : just because you're not a minor doesn't mean we can't and don't want to legally add you to the family, Keith 

  

 **Desert cryptid** : I didnt think you guys were actually being serious 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : Of course we are! We love you, Keith, and we always intended to adopt you. 

  

 **Desert cryptid** : Alright alright enough 

 **Desert cryptid** : I get it 

 

 **bi** **boh bitch** : this is very heartwarming and im totally digging the bonding here but I think were forgetting that if keiths taking anyones last name its gonna be mine 

 

 **Desert cryptid** : …

 **Desert cryptid** : What 

 

 **Vrepit Sal** : oh boy 

  

 **bi boh bitch** : ;) 

 

 

  _Direct_   _messaging_ _between_ Desert cryptid _and_ TakashiShirogane (09:58 AM) 

 

 

 **Desert cryptid** : Shiro 

 **Desert cryptid** : He didnt actually mean it right 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : In all honesty Keith, I don’t know. 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : Would it bother you if he did? 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I dont know 

 **Desert cryptid** : Ive thought about it before but there was never time to sit down and talk about it 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : You two have been together for a long time, Keith. 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : Do you love him? 

 

 **Desert cryptid** : You know I do 

 **Desert cryptid** : I just 

 **Desert cryptid** : Ten years ago if anyone would have told me Id end up going into space to unravel 10000 years of an alien races intergalactic oppression as a pilot of a robotic lion that came together with four others to form a giant superweapon called Voltron I would have punched them for making fun of me 

 **Desert cryptid** : But then all those things actually happened and I found out more about myself than I ever expected to 

 **Desert cryptid** : I fought alongside my brother and a bunch of total strangers as paladins of Votron and liberated galaxies from all across the cosmos 

 **Desert cryptid** : I found out Im part alien on my moms side and joined a bunch of alien rebels who taught me how to be a better fighter 

 **Desert cryptid** : And that cute cadet named Taylor who I crushed on when I was 13 somehow found me in the desert that night and told me his name is Lance and declared we were rivals 

 **Desert cryptid** : Now hes my boyfriend of 4+ years and suddenly hes making jokes about wanting to marry me 

 **Desert cryptid** : I dont know what to do Shiro I cant tell if hes being serious or not 

 **Desert crytid** : I never expected to make it to 18 let alone end up doing all that and finding someone who actually loves me and treats me like Im the only thing that matters to him 

 **Desert cryptid** : I never expected to be happy Shiro and now that I am Im afraid Im going to fuck it all up and make Lance hate me. We already have so much going on I dont know if I can handle this too

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : Lance will never hate you, Keith, you know that. You're under a lot of stress right now and it's hard to adjust to the environment after your time as a paladin.

 **Takashi Shirogane** : Do you need to go for a ride to clear your head? We can talk afterwards if it'll help you.

 

 **Desert cryptid** : Yes 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : I’ll let Adam know. 

  

 

**** 

 

 

 **Allura** : My apologies for not seeing my addition to this chat sooner, Paladins. I’m afraid it’s still rather difficult adapting to your primitive communication technology. (10:09 AM)

 

 **Vrepit Sal** : don’t sweat it Allura! you're use to super freaky alien tech, i can see why cell phones are a little underwhelming.  

  

 **bi boh bitch** : just wait until I teach u abt emoticons and emojis!!

 

 **space ace** : dont you fucking dare 

 

 **Allura** : Emoticons and emojis? 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : yea!! emoticons are these little faces u make to convey a bunch of different emotions 

 **bi boh bitch** : like this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

 **space ace** : lance i will eat your fucking kneecaps 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : and emojis are symbols of different things 

 **bi boh bitch** : like this 🍆💦🌈😂😭💙😘

 

 **Allura** : This is so fascinating!  

 **Allura** : What do all the ones you just used mean? 

 

 **Vrepit Sal** : those are Lance's favorite emojis that he uses all the time. we can explain those later. the face is kind of a snarky, half-smiling, knowing side glance used when the person is doing something sneaky or inappropriate 

 

 **Allura** : So it’s Lance! 

 

 **space ace** : jjhkbybi 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : hey!! 

 **bi boh bitch** : I feel so betrayed  

 **bi boh bitch** : 。゜(｀Д´)゜。 

 

 **Allura** : What is that one? 

 

 **space ace** : lance being dramatic 

  

 

VrepitSal _has added_  Coran HieronymusWimbletonSmythe _to the chat!_  (10:11 AM) 

 

 

 **space ace** : hunk you didnt 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : HELLO PALADINS IT IS I CORAN 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : he did 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : HUNK INVITED ME TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS EARTH TRADITION KNOWN AS A “GROUP CHAT” 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : IT SEEMED MORE INTERESTING THAN MY PREVIOUS INTERACTIONS WITH THE SUSPICIOUS LOOKING PLANT IN MY ROOM SO I GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTED 

  

 **Allura** : Hello, Coran! Welcome to the chat! 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : WHY THANK YOU ALLURA 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : IT’S A PLEASURE BEING HERE WITH ALL OF YOU 

  

 **bi boh bitch** : good to have u here coran!! 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : IS THAT YOU LANCE MY BOY 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : yea!! 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : EXCELLENT. HOW IS MY FAVORITE PALADIN DOING 

 

 **b** **i boh bitch** : :O 

 **bi boh bitch** : im the favorite?? 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : THAT YOU ARE 

 

 **bi** **boh bitch** : !!!!!! hell yea im the favorite!!!!!

 **bi boh bitch** : suck it losers

 

 **Vrepit Sal** : while i'm really happy for you buddy, is no one going to mention how Coran is typing in all caps? 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : THAT’S BECAUSE I CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO TURN IT OFF 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : pidge did u hack his phone or smth 

 

 **space ace** : unfortunately i cant take credit for this 

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : oh jeez okay. Coran, there should be a key that looks like an arrow pointing up. do you see it? 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : WHY YES I DO 

 

 **Vrepit Sal** : just tap it once, it should turn off cap lock 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : oh! It appears that is has! 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : Thank You Hunk! 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : why are u capitalizing every word now??? 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : Because Each One Is Important Just Like All Of You :{D! 

 

 **space ace** : alright ill bite whats with the smiley 

 

 **Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe** : It’s A Mustache! :{D 

 

 **space ace** : oh good god


	3. Of spilled tea and domestic bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro is doing his best, tea is spilled, and things get sappy and gay. TW: very brief mention of underage drinking

**Coran**   **Hieronymus**   **Wimbleton**   **Smythe** : And That Is The Story Of How I Successfully Assassinated The Ruler Of Geon 149 Using Only Mustache Wax And A Bottle Of Nunvil! (12:32 PM) 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : coran holy shit 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : ur a legend 

 

 **space** **ace** : just when i thought my impression of you couldnt get any weirder 

 

 **Allura** : Coran, why have you not told me this story before? 

 

 **Coran**   **Hieronymus**   **Wimbleton**   **Smythe** : Well You See Allura Your Father Made Me Promise I Would Keep All Of My Extracurricular Activities A Secret Until You Were Old Enough  

 **Coran**   **Hieronymus**   **Wimbleton**   **Smythe** : And Now That The Universe Is No Longer In Danger I See No Problem With Sharing! 

 

 **Allura** : I…suppose that’s fair? 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : uh, hey, not to interrupt but do you guys smell something burning? 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : no??? 

 

 **space** **ace** : i do. i can smell it from my room 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Oh thats us 

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : TAKASHI WHAT DID YOU DO?! 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : My best. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He put the takeout container in the microwave 

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : …he forgot about the metal handle? 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He forgot about the metal handle 

 

 **space** **ace** : shiro you didnt 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I did.  

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : please tell me you put the fire out… 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : The fire is out, but we need a new microwave. 

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : oh, Takashi… please don’t touch anything else until i get there. 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : You got it, babe. 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : I somehow find comfort in knowing that he is not in fact good at everything 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Lance you already knew that 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : well yea but 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : its nice to be reassured every once in a while 

 

 **Desert**   **cryptid** : Oh I could tell you all kinds of stories 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Its even better being behind the scenes. Everyone sees him as this untouchable hero but I know that hes really a walking disaster 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Hey Shiro wanna tell them about the anniversary incident 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I’d rather not. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Thats okay I will 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Shiro was determined to cook Adam a meal “fit for a king” despite how shitty he is at cooking. While Adam was at work Shiro had everything set up with candles and fancy silverware and everything. His first mistake was turning on the wrong burner where the oven mitt sat and leaving the room to check his phone. When he came back a huge flame had rose clear up to the ceiling and in his panic he grabbed the flaming mitt with his bare hand. By the time it was all said and done the dorms sprinkler system put out the fire and soaked everything in the kitchen. When Adam came home all Shiro could say for himself was “welcome home, honey” while Adam nearly had a heart attack. Their anniversary was spent in the hospital where Shiro was treated for burns and Adam begged him to never touch anything in the kitchen ever again. We ended up getting take out

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : Shiro, i don’t mean to judge, but, leaving an oven mitt near the burner? 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Not my proudest moment. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Ooo what about the time he ate a block of uncooked ramen because he was too tired to remember how to boil water 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : u WHAT 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I was very tired. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : How about just recently when you were drunk and tried to microwave your cereal 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : As you said, I was drunk. We all were. I’m not sure how you remembered that. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Takashi Shirogaymer. 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** :  _Keith don’t you fucking dare._  

 

 **space** **ace** : holy shit keith you made shiro say A Swear 

 

 **bi**   **boh bitch** : wait 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : WAIT 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : UR THE ONE BEHIND TAKASHI SHIROGAYMER?????? 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He was yeah 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : shiro I watched ur videos all the time!!! 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : I cant believe it wasnt actually a fake account!!! 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : why didnt u bring this up before!!! 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Because my gaming channel is a time in my life I would love to forget. 

 

 

Takashi Shirogane’ _s_ _name was changed to_ Takashishirogaymer (12:38 PM)

 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Keith. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : What 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Change it back. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I have no idea what youre talking about 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : :( 

 

 

 _Direct messaging between_ Desert cryptid _and_ TakashiShirogane (12:39 PM)

 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Hey

 **Desert** **cryptid** : If it actually does bother you I can stop 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : It doesn’t actually bother me, Keith. If it did, I would use the safe words. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I know but 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I just dont want to make you uncomfortable 

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : You’re doing fine, Keith, don’t worry. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Ok 

 

 

**** 

 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : what no way!! 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : I loved ur videos!! 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : You did? 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : yea!! 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : I watched them all the time!! ur channel was one of my favorites!! 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Um, wow. Thank you, Lance, I’m really flattered.  

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : while that’s all very heartwarming, i’m disappointed to find that Keith failed to bring up the McDonald’s story 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Uh oh. 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Oh yeah the mcdonalds story 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : whats the mdconalds story??? 

 

 **space** **ace** : hopefully more tea on shiro and his disaster gay tendencies 

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : that’s exactly what it is :) 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Adam. :( 

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : so one night Takashi and i went to McDonald’s to study for an upcoming test. this was at a point where we were good enough friends but we weren’t as close as either of us wanted to be. in the romantic sense, that is. we were friends and roommates, but nothing more 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : and they were roommates 

 

 **space** **ace** : oh my god they were roommates 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : can I get a rip vine 

 

 **space** **ace** : rip vine 

 

 **Desert**   **cryptid** : Rip vine 

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : rip Vine

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Rip Vine. 

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : rip Vine 

 **Adam**   **s.** : anyways, i asked him to come study with me at McDonald’s. we grabbed some milkshakes and got to work. honestly i have no idea how, but one thing lead to another and Takashi ended up spilling his milkshake all over his pants. the milkshake was all but empty thankfully but it was still enough to cause a mess. i, like any good friend, followed Takashi into the bathroom to see what could be done. i handed him paper towels before kneeling to the floor to help and he just...stopped and stared at me. there we were in that McDonald’s bathroom, me on my knees, face-to-face with Takashi’s hands that were just hovering over his crotch and he just blurts “will you go out with me?!” 

 **Adam**   **s.** : and of course i said yes 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : oh my GOD?????? 

 

 **space** **ace** : no god damn way 

 **space** **ace** : no fucking way adam you have got to be shitting me 

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : nope 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : oh my G OD 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : SHIRO DID U RLLY ASK HIM OUT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM????

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : ...yes. 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : I'M LOSIN G MY FUCKIGN MIND I CANT BELIEVE U DID THAT

 

 **Takashi shirogaymer** : I can't believe he said yes.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I wasnt kidding when I said hes a walking disaster 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Says the one who was too nervous to give Lance the rose for Valentine’s Day when you were cadets and just ate it instead. 

 

 **space** **ace** : oh my god  

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : he ate a rose??? 

 

 **Desert**   **cryptid** : Shiro  _no._  

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Keith was going to ask you out by giving you a rose but he got so nervous that instead of giving it to you, he ate it and ran away. 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : pfffff 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : babe thats adorable!!! 

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : No its embarrassing 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : hey man, that’s nothing compared to that time back on the castle where you wore a tank top and the minute Lance saw you, he walked right into a wall and gave himself a nosebleed 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : HUNK 

 

 **space** **ace** : what about the time keith tied his hair up to train and lance was so distracted that the training bot knocked him on his ass 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : oh yea?? Well pidge why dont u tell hunk about how u accidentally set his vest on fire and tossed it out of the airlock!!! 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : that was  _you_?! 

 

 **space** **ace** : hey hunk remember the time you thought you broke one of the pieces to my already broken cosmic transmogrifyer and were so scared of my wrath that you hid in your room for a week? 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : understandable have a nice day 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : While I’m glad we’re all bonding, allow with me to share with you the most steaming hot tea you’ll have the fortune of sipping. 

 

 

Takashishirogaymer _sent_ _six (6)_ _attachment_ _s_ :Adam’semophase _._ PNG (12:52 PM)

(Six photos of thirteen-year-old Adam with dyed red and black hair, piercings, eyeliner, and all black clothes. He isn’t looking at the camera in any of them and looks angsty in every one.) 

 

 **space** **ace** : ASCHFNSICNENV 

 **space** **ace** : ARE YOU TELLING ME ADAM HAD AN EMO PHASE 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Oh, he had an emo phase alright. 

 

 **Adam** **s.** :  _Takashi Shirogane delete those right now._  

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : NO DONT DELETE THEM HOLY SHIT 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : SHIRO THESE ARE AMAZING HOW DID YOU GET THESE 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : I have my sources.  

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : (Adams sister supplies Shiro with a steady stream of blackmail) 

 

 

space ace _removed_ Adam s _.’s admin permissions_ (12:53 PM)

 

 

 **Adam** **s.** : give them back, Pidge. 

 

 **space** **ace** : absolutely not. im not letting you delete these before i can save them 

 

 

space ace _gave_ Adam s _. admin permissions_ (12:54 PM)

 

 

 **space** **ace** : okay carry on 

 

 **Adam** **s**.: too late, i know everyone else saved them too 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** :  _gasp_ we would  _never_!! 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : ok we would but thats not the point 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : the point is adam had an emo phase and my crops will be watered for years 

 

 **Adam** **s.** : i’m glad you find my cringy past so amusing, Lance 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : I know I certainly do. 

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : the betrayal 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Payback. 

 

 **Adam** **s.** : guess who isn’t getting cuddled tonight 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Aw come on, babe, don’t be like that. 

 

 **Adam** **s.** : nope, my mind is made up. tonight you’ll be rooming with the cats. 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : Adam. :’( 

 

 **Adam**   **s.** : no. puppy eyes don’t work on me, Takashi. 

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : But, Adam. Tonight is Desperate Housewives night. 

 

 **Adam** **s.** : oh for the love of- fine, i make the begrudging exception for that. but if it were any other night you’d be on the couch.  

 

 **Takashi**   **shirogaymer** : ❤️

 

 **Adam** **s.** : ugh. ❤️

 

 **space** **ace** : are you two done yet 

 **space** **ace** : watching you two be disgustingly domestic makes me feel emotions 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : hey it could be worse 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : at least me and keith arent like that 

 

 **space** **ace** : you two are just as gross if not grosser 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : wh- we are absolutely nothing like shadam and we are definitely not  _worse_  

 

 **space**   **ace** : lance you tie his hair up for him when he cant be bothered  

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : thats what good bfs do!!! 

 

 **space** **ace** : last week you drove three towns away to get keith donuts from the fancy bakery he likes only to do it  _again_ two hours later to pick up korean bbq 

 **space** **ace** : sometimes when hes upset you sing him a spanish lullaby and refuse to let anyone speak to him until youre sure hes ready 

 **space** **ace** : when he sends you selfies you start crying and whining about how much you dont deserve him 

 **space** **ace** : youre whipped with a capital W and thinking about it youre somehow  _worse_ than adam and shiro 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : this is slander 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : it’s not slander if it’s true 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : hunk I thought you loved me 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : we were going to marry and retire early to the countryside and have the cutest samoan/cuban babies 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : i’m sorry Lance, but you know as well as i do that hiding behind the truth isn’t going to solve anything. if this relationship is to continue then you need to promise me to be honest with yourself 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** :  _sniff_  alright 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : for u l wont deny the truth 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : good. now, repeat after me: i am smitten and soft for my boyfriend 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : I am smitten and soft for my boyfriend 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : good, louder 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : I am smitten and soft for my boyfriend!! 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : louder! 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : I AM SMITTEN AND SOFT FOR MY BOYFRIEND!!!! 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : good! now go find him and show him just how soft you are! 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : I will!! 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : as soon as I finish painting my toes 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : good enough for me. my work here is done 

 

 **space** **ace** : why are all men so ridiculously dramatic 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : n…n… 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : his first words! what’s he going to say? 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : n… no… 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : it’s okay Lance, take your time 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : n… not… not all men 

 

 **Vrepit**   **Sal** : very good, Lance! 

 

 **space** **ace** : remind me again why im friends with you two 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : because u ❤️ us 

 

 **space** **ace** : debatable 

 

 **bi**   **boh**   **bitch** : good enough for me


	4. In his arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is smitten (and a good boyfriend).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the infrequent updates, have some pure domestic bullshit

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ Takashi Shirogane _and_ Desert cryptid (13:49 PM)

 

  
**Takashi** **Shirogane** : How are you feeling now?

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Better. Lance hasnt brought it up again and hes being incredibly sweet

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He knows I was upset earlier but I didnt tell him why

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Why didn’t you?

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I wasnt ready to…

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : That’s perfectly alright, Keith. You don’t need to force yourself to tell him if you’re not ready.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He didnt force the issue or anything. He just knows I was upset over something Im not comfortable sharing and he hasnt left my side since he came to the room.

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Hes so good to me Shiro and I dont understand why

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Because you are deserving of love and respect just like anyone else, Keith. Please don’t forget that.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Its hard sometimes. There are times when I forget that Im actually important and a valued part of others lives and then you guys are right there to pick me back up

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : That’s what family is for. We care about you deeply and will always remind you just how much you matter.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I know. Its just hard getting use to something I was only just starting to learn before you left for Kerberos.

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I know, Keith, but I promise now that you’ll always have us. We will always be here for you. We may be busy and spending time with one another is getting to be difficult, but we're still your family and we'll always be here at the end of the day when it's time to come home.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Thanks Shiro…

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Can you bring me some snacks? I’ll be staying with Lance in the room for a little while

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Of course. Anything in particular you want?

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : A big ass bag of doritos and some life water

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : One big ass bag of Doritos and some Life Water, got it. Does Lance want anything?

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He said a bag of those really hot cheetos you found the other day. “You know the ones"

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Extra hot, got it. Does he want something to drink too?

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He shook his head no. I think hes going to mooch off me

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Okay, I’ll be there soon.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I can wait until you guys go to the store you know

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Nah, I stocked up yesterday because I had a feeling.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Ok

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Doors unlocked

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Got it. Love you, little bro.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Love you too

 

 

****

 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : hey keiths not feeling so nice so were going to have to ditch the store trip (13:52 PM)

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : is he okay?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : yea

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : hes just having a rough day so im going to stay here to give him love and validation

 

 **space** **ace** : does he need us to stay behind too?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : he said no hes fine with just me

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : he also told me to remind adam to pick up a new microwave

 

 **Adam** **s**.: why do you think we’re going to the store?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : “because you didnt ban shiro from the kitchen for long enough”

 

 **Adam** **s.** : it’s not my fault Takashi is a horrible cook

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : “you enable him”

 

 **Adam** **s**.: kicking him out of the kitchen then being unable to resist his charm isn't enabling him, it’s being weak for my husband

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : “tell adam hes fucking gay”

 

 **Adam** **s.** : aren’t we all?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : mood

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : oh btw keith told me to send this

  
bi boh bitch _sent_ _an_ _attachment_ : cheetoandkeef.PNG (13:54 PM)  
(Picture of Keith in a hoodie curled up with a fat Russian Blue whose bright green eyes stare at the camera curiously)

 

 **Adam** **s.** : Keith Kogane did you theft my cat?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : “cheeto likes me. I didnt have to steal her”

 

 **Adam** **s.** : next you’ll tell me you have Kisaki too

  
bi boh bitch _sent_ _an_ _attachment_ : lookatshe.PNG (13:54 PM)  
(Picture of Keith’s legs, on top of which rests a snoozing Ragdoll lying on her back with one paw above her head)

 

 **Adam** **s.** : …you have all three of them don’t you?

 

bi boh bitch _sent_ _an_ _attachment_ : yeswedo.PNG (13:55 PM)  
(Picture of a black and grey American Shorthair sitting on the windowsill and looking outside)

 **Adam** **s.** : and there’s Nessie

 **Adam** **s.** : aren’t you supposed to be a dog person?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : “I can like both”

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : shiro came in to drop off snacks and none of them moved from there spots

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : wait nvm kisaki woke up and moved to cuddle her gf so now keith has two cats on his chest

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : guys im gonna cry why is this the cutest thing ive ever seen

 

 **space** **ace** : because youre fucking whipped

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : yea that explains it

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I never thought id be so invested in the lives of two domesticated sapphic felines but I would actually die for these two powerful wlw

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : they love each other so much guys my heart cant take it

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : update: nessie joined the cuddle pile and now its two beautiful queens and there equally beautiful daughter all cuddling together

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : keith fell asleep and he just has three cats cuddling with him and im going to fucking die rbvebchfbf

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : im such a lucky man this isnt even fair

 

 **space** **ace** : despite all odds watching you be gay over your boyfriend and the lesbian cats warms my cold dead heart

 **space** **ace** : a true miracle

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ Takashi Shirogane _and_ bi boh bitch (14:11 PM)

 

  
**Takashi** **Shirogane** : He’s asleep?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : yea

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : he passed out pretty quickly after you left

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I was going to ask him if he wanted me to make lunch so he could eat smth other than doritos but I dont have the heart to wake him up especially knowing how busy hes going to be here soon

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : riding always takes a lot out of him huh

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : It always did. We’ll be back in a little while, so if you need anything call us.

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : will do. thanks shiro

 

 

****

 

 

Keith stirs and shifts, the subtle movement causing Nessie to raise her head and look at him. Her meow draws Lance’s attention back to them and he turns in time to see Keith’s eyes fluttering open, his mouth parting to speak softly, “Lance?”

 

“Right here, babe.” Lance pulls his legs back onto the bed and lies on his side again, facing Keith with a soft smile. “You fell asleep on me.”

 

“Sorry,” Keith murmurs, draping his arm across the clowder of cats curled up together against his chest. If the droopy eyes, labored breathing and sluggish movements weren’t enough of a testament to his exhaustion, the barely there words certainly are.

 

“You needed it, don’t be sorry.” Lance brushes a lock of hair from Keith’s eyes with a fond smile, trailing his fingers down to trace the sharp curve of Keith’s jaw. Keith hums appreciatively in response. “Do you want to get up to eat, mi amor?” He mumbles something unintelligible in response, his eyes closing. Chuckling, Lance rests his arms over the cats and Keith, his fingers finding the smooth strip of exposed skin between the hem of Keith’s hoodie and his pants. There’s no response. Lance slips his fingers beneath Keith’s hoodie and caresses the skin of his lower back, before resting his hand there. Keith is sound asleep beside him, with three cats curled up against his chest and each other. Calmed by the gentle noise of Keith’s labored breathing, Lance recalls the feeling of being deeply in love, and the thought puts a smile on his face before he drifts off to sleep.


	5. Houston, I have so many problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyway fuck season eight I'm fixing this mess. SEASON EIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD. Also Klance. Lots of Klance

**bi** **boh**   **bitch** : guys (21:42 PM)

 

 

bi boh bitch _sent_ _an_ _attachment_ : HELP.PNG (21:43 PM)

(Picture of Keith sitting on Lance’s lap with his back to the camera, Lance’s worried face peeking over his shoulder)

 

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : hes asleep and I really need to pee!!

 **space** **ace** : wake him up

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I feel like I need to inform you that id rather die  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : he got three hours of sleep last night and he has to meet with Krolia and Kolivan tomorrow id feel like an asshole if I woke him up

 **space** **ace** : [thenperish.JPEG](https://goo.gl/images/bqJLxQ)

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : stop sending dead memes and help me!!

 **space** **ace** : and how am i supposed to do that

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : idk just think of smth!!

 **space** **ace** : lance you know keith is a light sleeper. hell wake up no matter how careful you are so just get it over with already

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : but I feel bad :(

 **space** **ace** : die then

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : >:(  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : fine fine im just gonna go for it

 

  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : hey quick question when the fuck did keith become so lightweight?? (22:14 PM)

 **space** **ace** : hes 180 pounds and most of it is muscle what the fuck do you mean lightweight

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : idk??? I carried him to bed and it felt like he weighed nothing???

 **space** **ace** : youre stronger than you look i guess

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : the heaviest thing ive carried by myself is u and ur like 90 pounds how was I suppose to know I could carry keith

 **space** **ace** : just dont start being gross and carrying him around everywhere

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : like hed let me  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : hes so stubborn all the time

 

 

 

_***_

 

_Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch  _and_  space ace (01:32 AM)

 

  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : pigeon I cant sleep

 **space** **ace** : whats wrong lance

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : heh, howd you know?

 **space** **ace** : my lance senses were tingling, tell me whats up

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I didnt wanna wake up hunk because hes meeting with sal tomorrow and keith has that thing with the blades and I already go to shiro for so much of my issues  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : I know ur busy tomorrow too but ur the only one whos usually awake  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : wait that makes it sound like u were my last resort fuck

 **space** **ace** : its okay lance i understand. you wanna talk about it over a game of killbot phantasm two?

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : please

 **space** **ace** : the doors open but prepare to lose

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : as if!! Im gonna kick ur ass!!

 **space** **ace** : big talk for last times sore loser

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : u and matt distracted me!!

 **space** **ace** : nah you just suck

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : be prepared to eat those words

 

 

***

 

  
_Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ Desert cryptid  _and_ bi boh bitch (03:02 AM)

 

  
**Desert cryptid** : Where are you?

 **bi boh bitch** : im with pidge. I couldnt sleep so they let me come over

 **Desert cryptid** : Oh. You couldve woken me up if you couldnt sleep

 **bi boh bitch** : babe u have to meet with your mom and kolivan tomorrow  
**bi boh bitch** : plus u havent been sleeping that well  
**bi boh bitch** : I didnt wanna wake u up

 **Desert cryptid** : Lance if youre upset you know you can wake me up. I told you that before

 **bi big bitch** : I know but  
**bi boh bitch** : actually I dont think I can smooth talk my way out of this one

 **Desert cryptid** : You coming back to bed?

 **bi boh bitch:** after this game yea

 **Desert cryptid** : Hurry up  
**Desert cryptid** : I sleep way better with you next to me

 **bi boh bitch** : gjjrkfjritidhtke

 

 

  
***

 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : it feels so weird without everyone here… (11:32 AM)  
**bi boh bitch** : I know ur all busy but im so use to us being together, u know?  
**bi boh bitch** : but keiths with kolivan and krolia to talk abt what to do next and hunks with sal to talk about a restaurant deal and pidge is with their family training the recruits and adam and shiro are out getting the paperwork they need and then theres me  
**bi boh bitch** : man I sound like an idiot rambling to myself  
**bi boh bitch** : how do I delete messages???

 

  
_Five_   _(5) messages_ _deleted_ _by_ bi boh bitch (11:34 AM)

 

  
**bi boh bitch** : I miss u all already 😭😭

 

  
**Allura** : Lance? If you’re not busy, Romelle and I wish to take you up on the offer you made us. (12:02 PM)

 **bi boh bitch** : !!! U mean it??

 **Allura** : Yes! She and I are incredibly curious about Earth fashion and would love if you could take us shopping!

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : hell yeah my time has come!!!!  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : dont u worry allura im gonna find you both the perfect outfits for your date

 **Allura** : How did you know she and I are to go on a date tonight?

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : princess I _always_ know what everyone is doing  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : that and coran showed me how he was going to dress you for the date and I love coran but I wasnt letting u go anywhere in an outfit like that

 **Allura** : I see… Well nevertheless, we would graciously welcome your help!

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : im on my way just let me get dressed

 **Allura** : Romelle and I will be waiting in my dorm!

 

  
_Incoming_ _call_ _from_  ❤️babe❤️ (15:57 PM)

 

  
“Babe?”

 

“ _Hey_. _We’re_ _taking_ _a_ _break_   _and I wanted to see what you're doing_.”

 

“Oh! I’m out with Allura and Romelle right now. I took them shopping for their date tonight!”

 

_"They're going on a date tonight?"_

 

“Yeah! Allura finally asked Romelle out and I wanted to make sure they have something nice to wear.”

 

_"Well congratulations to them, I hope it goes well."_

 

“Thank you, Keith! How are things going?”

 

_"Anytime, Allura. Things are going pretty well; there's talk of turning the Blade of Marmora into a humanitarian relief team to help everyone that's still recovering from the attacks."_

 

“Oh Keith, that’s wonderful! That would be an immense help to all those affected as well as those that have immigrated here!"

 

_"Nothing's concrete yet, but that's the most probable course of action as of now."_

 

“Hello, Keith!”

 

_"Hey, Romelle. Good luck on the date tonight."_

 

“Thank you! Lance has shown us so many interesting things about Earth fashion and the outfits he picked for us are quite lovely!"

 

_"To his credit, Lance is pretty knowledgeable on that sort of thing."_

 

“You think so babe?”

 

_"Well yeah. You always look nice and I know you'll make sure Allura and Romelle have something awesome to wear tonight."_

 

“Baaaabe.”

 

_"What? All I said was you always look nice."_

 

“Yes and Allura is laughing at how red I am.”

 

_"Good."_

 

“Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

 

_"That's news to me."_

 

“Pfft, whatever. Hey, wanna see the outfits I picked out for them?”

 

_"Sure."_

 

 

 _Two (2)_   _new_ _messages_ _from_ Lance 💙 (15:59 PM)

(The first message is a photo of Allura in a solid color skirt and sweater with heels. The second is a photo of Romelle in a flower print dress with flats. Both girls are alone in their photos but are smiling at someone off camera)

 

  
_"They both look great."_

 

“Don’t they? They can’t stop smiling at each other and it’s so cute.”

 

_"You've been trying to set them up since Romelle joined the team. Think tonight they'll finally get together?"_

 

“Oh totally. My fashion advice and their obvious attraction to each other? If they don’t get together then I’ve failed as a love guru.”

 

_"Since when are you a love guru?"_

 

“Since forever, obviously!”

 

_"Keep telling yourself that, Lance."_

 

  
_One_   _(1)_   _incoming_ _message_ _from_ Lance 💙: (16:01 PM)

(Photo of Lance between Allura and Romelle. All three are smiling and dressed in nice clothing, Lance wearing a button up and tie with his hair slicked back)

 

 

_"..."_

  
“Babe?”

 

_"Your hair."_

 

“Do you like it?

 

_"..."_

 

“Keith?”

 

“ _Lance_ , _this_ _is_ _Krolia_. _I’m_ _not_ _entirely_ _sure_ _why_ _but_ _Keith_ _has_ _excused_ _himself_ _for_ _a_ _moment_. _He’s_ _outside_ _covering_ _his_ _face_.”

 

“O-oh? Is he okay?”

 

_"His face is very red."_

 

“Oh… He’s okay, he’s just blushing.”

 

_"..."_

 

“Hello?”

 

_"What did she say to you?"_

 

“Nothing! She just said you had to go outside because you were blushing.”

 

_"Mom! You didn't have to tell him that!"_

 

“Holy shit you _were_ blushing!”

 

_"Only because you sent that picture!"_

 

“Is it because my hair is slicked back?”

 

_"...you look amazing, Lance."_

 

“It is! Holy shit you like when I slick my hair back!”

 

_"It's not a big deal!"_

 

“It’s a huge deal! Holy crow I can’t believe I didn’t know this before!”

 

_"Lance I will hang up!"_

 

“Wait babe no! I’ll stop, I’ll stop!”

 

_"Oh no, please continue. It's incredibly entertaining watching Keith in this flustered state."_

 

“Oh my god.”

 

_"Mom! I'll be back in a few minutes, don't start again without me."_

 

…

 

_"Hey, sorry."_

 

“Don’t be sorry babe! Do you have to go soon?”

 

_"In a few minutes, yeah, but I can talk until then."_

 

“You sure? I don’t want to hold you up, I know you’re busy.”

 

_"It's okay, babe."_

 

“Okay… I miss you.”

 

_"I miss you too. I'll be home later tomorrow morning, we're staying on Naxzela for the night."_

 

“You didn’t tell me you were going to Naxzela!”

 

_"I didn't? Sorry..."_

 

“It’s fine babe. Tomorrow morning?”

 

_"Yeah. And when I get back I want to take you out."_

 

“Like on a date?”

 

_"If you want. I was thinking we could go to breakfast."_

 

“I’d love to, babe.”

 

_"Can we go in pajamas?"_

 

"Do you really need to ask? Of course we can."

 

_"Good. The thought of being in pajamas is actually pretty comforting right now. They gave me a Blade leader uniform to wear for the meeting and it's pretty weird."_

 

“Pics or it didn’t happen.”

 

_"Lance."_

 

“Aw come on babe! Don’t deny me of such a beautiful sight.”

 

_"What makes you think it's beautiful?"_

 

“Because literally everything about you is beautiful and it’s really unfair.”

 

_"Don't do this."_

 

“Send the picture or I send another selfie.”

 

_"You're the worst."_

 

“You love me.”

 

  
_One (1)_   _incoming_ _message_ _from_  ❤️babe❤️ (16:06 PM)

(Picture of Keith smiling awkwardly at the camera. From the angle you can see a bit of Keith’s ponytail peaking over his shoulder)

 

  
“Holy shit. Babe holy _shit_."

  

_"You okay?"_

 

“No! You’re so quiznaking attractive and my heart can’t take it.”

 

_"Lance..."_

 

“Keith, holy shit I can’t believe you’re mine.”

 

_"Heh... All yours."_

 

…

 

_"I have to go. Call me before you go to bed?"_

 

“Sure thing babe. Good luck, I love you!”

 

_"I love you too."_

 

 

 _One_   _(1) new_ _message_ _from_ bi boh bitch _in_ gay ass bitches (16:38 PM)

  
bi boh bitch: guys!!

 

  
bi boh bitch _sent_ _an_ _attachment_ : proposaloutfit.JPEG (16:38 PM)

(Picture of Lance in a three piece navy blue suit and black dress shoes, smiling at himself in the mirror)

 

  
bi boh bitch: I found a suit at the mall 

 

  
_Incoming_ _call_ _from_ ❤️babe❤️ (16:38 PM)

 

  
“We need to talk.”


	6. This chapter is story heavy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im thinking aiming for uploading once a week is a good idea. let me know what you guys think of this chapter! its not very group chat centered but i think it sets up the next chapter pretty well

“Everything okay, babe?”

 

 _"We_ _all_ _agreed_ _that_ _the_ _next_ _best_ _course_ _of_ _action_ _is_ _to_ _turn_ _the_ _Blade_ _of_ _Marmora_ _into_ _a_ _humanitarian_ _relief_ _team_ _and_ _Kolivan_ _asked_ _me_ _to_ _lead_ _the_ _efforts."_

 

“Holy shit!”

 

_"Yeah..."_

 

"You okay?"

 

_"That wasn't all they asked."_

 

"What else do they want you to do?"

 

_"..."_

 

"Babe?"

 

_"Kolivan asked me to be the new Galra emporer."_

 

"Oh. _Oh._ "

 

_"Yeah..."_

 

“Let me guess, you turned them down.”

 

_"A humanitarian relief effort is the perfect use of the Blade's time now that the universe is safe, but I can't be the leader of anything."_

 

“But you’re a great leader, Keith.”

 

_"..."_

 

“Babe?”

 

_"It's great that they're doing this, but being a leader isn't for me. I agreed to help during the transition period, but my future isn't with the Blades or even with the Galra empire. It's here on Earth... With you._

 

“Babe-”

 

_"I have to go, but I'll call you as soon as we're getting ready to leave."_

 

“Okay… I’ll talk to you soon.”

 

_"Talk to you soon. Oh, and Lance?"_

 

“Yeah?”

 

_"You look amazing in that suit."_

 

 

***

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ space ace (16:39 PM)

 

  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : PIDGE  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : WE HAVE A PROBLEM

 

  
_Incoming_ _call_ _from_ annoying older brother 1 (16:40 PM)

 _One (1)_   _missed_ _call_ _from_ annoying older brother 1 (16:40 PM)

 _One_  (1)  _new_ _voice_ _message_ _from_ annoying older brother 1 (16:40 PM)

  
“ _PIDGE!_ _S_ - _O_ - _S!_   _Call_ _me_ _as_ _soon_ _as_ _you_ _get_ _this_ , _I’m_ _having_ a _serious crisis!"_

 

 

  
***

 

  
_Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ space ace (18:03 PM)

 

  
**space** **ace** : i just got your messages! are you okay?

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : no!!!!!  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : he knows!!!! he knows and now everything is ruined!!!!

 **space** **ace** : what do you mean he knows you didnt say anything

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : he said I look good in the suit!! he knows im getting it tailored just for this purpose!!  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : everything was supposed to be perfect but now hes onto me!!

 **space** **ace** : did he say anything about the suit other than to tell you you look good

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : well no

 **space** **ace** : then he doesnt know  
**space** **ace** : relax a little lance everything will be fine

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : he and I have been together for so long pidge…  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : this has to be perfect

 **space** **ace** : it will be lance we just need to make it through the next few months  
**space** **ace** : i know youre excited but you have to remember that everyone is still in the recovery phase. we need to find our place again before we make huge commitments like this

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I know…

 **space** **ace** : were done for the day if you wanna come over  
**space** **ace** : moms making dinner and demanded that you join us

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I love colleen so much  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : let me drop allura and romelle off and ill be on my way

 **space** **ace** : ill let mom and dad know

 

  
_One_   _(1)_   _new_ _message_ _from_ space ace _in_ The Holt Family! (18:04 PM)

 

  
**pigeon** : he said yes motherboard

 **Colleen** **H** : thank you love! Is he coming over right away?

 **pigeon** : he has to drop allura and romelle off then hell be over. he should be here in about twenty minutes

 **Sam** : Shiro just messaged and said he and Adam are only a few minutes away. Matt, what’s the status on you and Kel?

 **Mattress** **C** **Holt** : on our way daddio, he had to run back to base to grab something

 **pigeon** : ma are you sure you made enough for everyone

 **Colleen** **H** : it’s been a long time since we had a family dinner like this and with all the excitement I made extra even before I knew we’d be having guests

 **pigeon** : yeah that sounds like you  
**pigeon** : hunk cant make it for dinner but he offered to bring home dessert

 **Colleen** **H** : ooo, that would be lovely! Can he bring enough for everyone?

 **pigeon** : mom its _hunk_ were talking about  
**pigeon** : lance just texted and asked if he can bring kosmo

 **Sam** : I thought Kosmo went with Keith when they left earlier this morning?

 **pigeon** : nah kosmo stayed behind to keep lance company

 **Colleen** **H** : well the more the merrier! Kosmo is welcome to join us!

 **pigeon** : he said thanks

 **Sam** : Sounds like Shiro and Adam are here. I’ll go get the door

 **Colleen** **H**.: thank you, dear! Pidge, could you come help me set the table?

 **pigeon** : on my way mom

 

 

***

 

 

“So all you have to do is wait on a date for your hearing?”

 

Shiro nods and swallows his sip of water, “all the paperwork has been turned in. We’re hoping the date doesn’t conflict with the Blade’s transitioning period, but in the event that it does Kolivan already agreed that we could work something out.”

 

“How’d you even get Kolivan to make that exception?” Lance asks, tilting his head quizzically. "Last time I checked he’s a pretty strict guy.”

 

“He only agreed because Keith declined the offer to lead,” Adam responds with a small shrug, leaning back in his chair. “With Keith’s plans to help kick things off before coming home, I think he knows there really isn’t any point in trying to stick to any sort of schedule.”

 

Matt chews the rest of his food before chiming in, “so what happens at the hearing? Is that when you’ll know if your request has been approved?”

 

“If all goes well, we’ll have the judge’s decision to let us adopt him before we leave the courthouse.” Shiro pauses to smile fondly at Adam, who returns it graciously. “After that it’s sending more paperwork in to different places and waiting for the adoption to be legally recognized.”

 

“So how long until Keith is officially a Shirogane?” Pidge leans down to feed Kosmo a chicken breast, which he accepts happily.

 

“Anywhere from a month to three, though with how quickly we submitted the paperwork it might end up being the former.”

 

“Keith Shirogane… Oh my god does that mean when he and I get married I’m going to be a Shirogane?” Lance’s eyes are alight with something akin to excitement, and Shiro chuckles.

 

“I don’t think Keith plans to change his last name. You’ll have to take that up with him when you ask.”

 

Kosmo lifts his head as he hears a series of knocks at the door. Following his line of sight, Colleen stands up, “that’s probably Hunk with dessert!”

 

She exits the room to let Hunk in, and Pidge flicks the last of her peas at Matt and Kel, an indirect demand that they stop being sappy at the dinner table. “Go be gross somewhere else.” Matt sticks his tongue out, a gesture that earns him the “child” label from Pidge, before turning and planting a kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. Pidge groans in annoyance, “Daaaad, they’re being gross.”

 

Sam is too busy laughing to listen to his child’s plea for help. When Colleen reappears, she’s trailed by a smiling Hunk, who everyone greets with a series of delighted hello’s. Lance jumps up immediately and all but tackles his best friend, who somehow manages to keep his balance and hold on the platter in his hand. He wraps the man in a one armed embrace, grinning, “there’s the greatest best friend in the whole universe. I made extra just for you.”

 

“I knew you loved me,” Lance chides, burying his face in Hunk’s chest for a few seconds before looking up at him, his arms still around Hunk’s waist. “What did you bring us?”

 

Colleen begins clearing the table and quickly stops Shiro and Adam from attempting to help, fending them all off with a wave of her hand. Hunk pats Lance’s back, a gesture Lance understands as Hunk’s quiet wish to be let go, and he sets the platter down in the table looking incredibly proud. “Look and find out.”

 

Pidge is the first to unearth the sugary deliciousness beneath the lid, their eyes widening as they look at Hunk with the biggest smile, “cake!”

 

Sure enough, resting on the platter is ten miniature cakes decorated with buttercream icing, big enough to top off a delicious meal but small enough to not overwhelm the stomach. Hunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a container of dog treats, kneeling down as he pops the lid, “I made these for you, Kosmo.”

 

Plates are handed out while Kosmo sniffs the offered treat before accepting with a noise of approval. Hunk takes the seat beside Lance, who immediately moves his chair closer and leans against Hunk, looking up at him with sparkling blue eyes, “has anyone ever told you that you’re the greatest best friend in the entire universe?”

 

Hunk slings his arm around Lance’s shoulders, “I can say the same for you, buddy. Dig in everyone! This is a brand new recipe and I need your opinions.”

 

Praises are sung into the shared space at the dinner table, everyone commending Hunk for his talent around mouthfuls of cake. Hunk’s beaming with a slight flush to his cheeks, humbly accepting the compliments between his own bites of cake. Kosmo rests his head on Lance’s lap, not begging for anything but some attention that Lance happily delivers. “You miss Keith, huh?” A whine. “Yeah… Me too, Kosmo.”

 

“He’ll be back tomorrow morning,” Shiro assures him from across the table with a sympathetic smile. “Remember though, he’s going to be pretty busy for the next few weeks.”

 

“I know, and it sucks,” Lance deadpans, his hand falling to Kosmo’s waiting head. “I know it’s not going to be one of those things where he only comes back sporadically with the Blades, but I miss him like crazy. I… Miss all of you guys like crazy.” Everyone exchanges confused glances – it’s not like they’re gone, they’re just busy. Lance continues, “I mean, I’m glad that everyone has something going on, but as Paladins we spent a lot of time around each other. Now that we’re home, everyone has something going on and it feels like we hardly ever have time to do things like this.”

 

Hunk frowns, turning his head to look at Lance, “hey man, it’s not like you’ll never see us again.”

 

“I know, but…” Lance trails off, and Kosmo whines, nuzzling Lance’s hand. Lance pets him, “I just don’t want us to drift apart now that we have the chance to do our own thing.”

 

“We won’t let that happen,” Adam decides, watching Lance’s reaction from across the table. “Just because everyone has something doesn’t mean it’s what’s going to split everyone apart. As far as I know, Allura, Coran, and Romelle are the only ones who have plans to leave Earth with the other Alteans, and even then they promised that they’d stay in touch while rebuilding Altea. We won’t fall apart, Lance.”

 

“Adam’s right,” Shiro agrees. “We’ve been through too much together to let that happen.”

 

Lance sighs, “I just wish there was a way we could all just live together, that way no matter where our paths take us we can still come home to each other.”

 

Silence follows for a few moments before Pidge gets an idea, adjusting their glasses, “what if… There was a way?”

 

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” Sam inquires, stroking his chin.

 

“Why not?” Pidge asks rhetorically, “it’s a great way to keep us all together, and with the sheer amount of manpower and technology we have I know we can do it no problem.”

 

Everyone nods, save for Lance, “hold on, what are you talking about?”

 

“They’re suggesting that we build a house to live in together,” Shiro clarifies, a proud grin on his face. “And I think it’s a great idea.”

 

“Build a house together? That’s perfect! We can build a big house with enough space for all of us!” Lance excitedly straightens up in his chair, “that way we can stay together no matter what!”

 

“Building a house requires a lot of time, a lot of planning, and a lot of manpower…” Adam asserts, leaning forward to prop his elbow on the table, cupping his chin between his fingers. “With everyone being so busy, how can we be sure that we’ll even find time to do this?”

 

“We can make time!” Lance claims, “besides, I’ve seen projects like this last ten years and everything still worked out. I know we can do this if we just try.”

 

They all take time to think it over before coming to a mutual consensus that they need Keith to be here before making the final decision. “We can talk about it when he’ll be here for more than a day.” Shiro drinks more of his water. “Once we have Keith’s answer, we can move on from there.”

 

They finish dinner with jokes and laughter, silently reveling in the familial solidarity. When they leave the Holts, the members of Team Voltron are smiling with the promise of great things. Each of them retires to their rooms for the night, Pidge eventually evading Lance and Hunk’s space for a sleepover. When Lance finally goes down for the night with Kosmo curled up against him, he dreams of a future with Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i gave matt an alien bf fight me about it. kel belongs to @nerdiekatie who graciously allowed me to use the name. thanks mom ❤️❤️. i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!


	7. Keith fucks up but Lance loves him anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first and foremost, thank you all so much for all the love youre giving this fic. without your support, this wouldnt be nearly as special as it is. thank you to everyone who reads this as it uploads, thank you to those who see me editing this thing and stick around, and thank you most to my new readers! you all are amazing, and i love each and every one of you!

**bi boh bitch** : good morning everyone I miss keith (07:43 AM) 

 

 **space ace** : we know lance 

 **space ace** : wait why are you up so early 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : keith said hell be here later in the morning but he didnt specify how much later so I got up early to wait for him 

 **bi boh bitch** : were going on a date after he gets back 

 

 **space ace** : how sweet 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : he wants us to wear pjs instead of getting dressed up  

 **bi boh bitch** : I love him so much pidge 

 **bi boh bitch** : im gonna marry that man some day 

 

 **space ace** : remember that he can read the chat log lance 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : yea I know 

 

 

 _One (1) message deleted by_ bi boh bitch (07:44 AM) 

 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : so u training more recruits today? 

 

 **space ace** : nah im working with the technicians to strengthen the garrisons emergency response systems 

 **space ace** : also rigging the speakers to play meme songs every hour on the hour  

 

 **Takashi Shirogaymer** : You’re going to do what? 

 

 **space ace** : is that judgement im hearing 

 

 **Takashi Shirogaymer** : Pride. 

 

 **Adam s.** : ‘Kashi, you really shouldn’t encourage that 

 

 **Takashi Shirogaymer** : It’s one of the most harmless ideas they’ve ever had, Adam. Besides, I know the entire technician team will get a kick out of it. 

 

 **Adam s.** : and if they get in trouble? 

 

 **Takashi Shirogaymer** : Then I’ll patiently remind them that we saved the universe and a little bit of fun is needed every now and then to brighten their spirits.  

 

 **space ace** : adam with all due respect i think you forget that ive broken into the garrison before gotten banned then came back with an alias 

 **space** **ace** : i could really care less if a harmless prank gets me into trouble because its the perfect opportunity for me to tell them to get the stick out of their ass 

 

 **Adam s.** : you really are your own person, Pidge 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 _Direct messaging between_ bi boh bitch _and_ Takashi Shirogane (11:43 AM) 

 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : shiro 

 **bi boh bitch** : have u heard from keith??? 

 **b** **i boh bitch** : he said hed be here later this morning but I didnt expect him to be _this_ late 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : No, I haven’t heard from him. 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : ok… thanks anyway 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : Do you want Adam and I to swing by and pick you up for lunch? I know you probably don’t feel so great being alone while everyone is out. 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : u dont have to do that shiro 

 **bi boh bitch** : I dont want to be any more of an inconvenience than I already am 

 **bi boh bitch** : besides keith and I are supposed to go out after he gets back 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : You are not and never have been an inconvenience, Lance. Let us pick you up, we can do whatever you want while we wait for Keith. I know you’ve had a lot on your mind lately, maybe some time with friends will help. 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : …can we go get smoothies?? 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : If that’s what you want. 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : ill be ready in ten minutes 

 

 **Takashi Shirogane** : Alright, we’ll see you soon. 

 

 

 

*** 

 

 

 

 _Direct messaging between_ bi boh bitch _and_ Desert cryptid (13:32 PM) 

 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : babe?? I know u said later but I didnt think it would be this late 

 **bi boh bitch** : just, call me as soon as you get these 

 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : keith come on this isnt funny (14:56 PM) 

 

 

 **bi boh bitch** : keith? (15:45 PM) 

 

 

 _Incoming call from_ Lance 💙 (16:03 PM) 

 

 _One_ _(1) missed call from_ Lance 💙 (16:04 PM) 

 

 

 

 _Incoming call from_ Lance 💙 (16:36 PM) 

 

 _Two (2) missed calls from_ Lance 💙 (16:36 PM) 

 

 _One (1) new voice message from_ Lance 💙 (16:36 PM) 

 

 _“Keith, this isn’t funny. Call me so I know you_ _didn’t decide to ditch us._ _”_  

 

 

 

 _Incoming call from_ Lance 💙 (17:28 PM) 

 

 _Three (3) missed calls from_ Lance 💙 (17:28 PM) 

 

 _Two (2) new voice messages from_ Lance 💙 (17:29 PM) 

 

 _“Keith? I don’t know where you are but we’re all worried sick!_ _We’ve all tried calling and messaging you but you won’t answer and, and-_ _please just tell me you’re safe. Please… I love you.”_  

 

 

 _Incoming call from ❤️_ babe _❤️_  (17:37 PM) 

 

 

“Keith you better have an explanation for why you’re only now calling me!” 

 

 _“I know how this looks, and I’m sorry. But I need you to trust me. Get_ _dressed, I’m picking you_ _up in ten minutes.”_  

 

“Oh no, nononono, no way, tell me what the hell is going on!” 

 

 _“Lance-”_  

 

“No! You tell me you’ll be home in the morning only to not show up and ignore everyone’s texts and calls, then call me hours after you were supposed to be home and offer a half-assed apology before telling me to get dressed so I can come with you! That’s not how this works Keith, you can’t just do what you want and expect me to be fine with it!” 

 

 _“…”_  

 

“Until you can give me a _real_ explanation and a _real_ apology, I’m not going anywhere with you!” 

 

 _“…”_  

 

“I’ll talk to you when you get back. See you soon.” 

 

 _“Lance, wait!”_  

 

“I’ve been waiting all day! You had me worried sick, Keith!” 

 

 _“Lance, I_ _know you’re mad, and you have every right to be. I should have called you, and I’m sorry I made you worry_ _, but I’ll explain as soon as I see you._ _If you still don’t want to go, that’s fine._ _I’ll be there soon.”_  

 

“Okay…” 

 

 _“I love you.”_  

 

“…I love you too.” 

 

 

 

*** 

 

 

 

 _“So, where are you taking him again?”_  

 

“Varadero Beach, where he grew up. I figured after everything that happened, a trip home might be good for him.” 

 

 _“As much as he’ll appreciate it, you know that he’s still mad at you for not calling.”_  

 

“I know, Shiro. Thanks for covering for me.” 

 

 _“I don’t think I can do it again, Keith. Seeing him so heartbroken was painful.”_  

 

“I’m going to make it up to him, I just need him to accept my apology first.” 

 

 _“_ _You better hurry. He’s moping on the couch with_ _Kosmo_ _.”_  

 

 _“I’m right outside.”_  

 

“See you soon, Keith. Good luck.” 

 

 _“Thanks, Shiro.”_  

 

 

 

*** 

 

 

 

“Explain, _now_.” 

 

Keith feels like he’s about to be lectured for something stupid he did- then again, that might be exactly what’s happening. Lance’s arms are crossed over his chest, his foot tapping rhythmically against the hardwood floor and his blue eyes narrow, waiting. “I know how this looks, Lance,” he starts, taking a nervous step forward. “I should have called you, but I was busy making arrangements.” 

 

“Arrangements? Arrangements to do _what_? Spend the entire day ghosting me?!” 

 

 _Okay,_ _he’s definitely angry._ _Salvage this, Keith._ “Arrangements for a trip. I want to take you somewhere I know you’ll love, you just have to trust me.” 

 

Lance grimaces, “why should I go anywhere with you, Keith?” 

 

“Because…” he trails off, his internal debate heating up. Tell him the truth, or convince him the surprise is worth it? Lance’s foot tapping grows louder in Keith’s ears, forcing him to make a split second decision. “Lance, I know not calling you was wrong. You were worried, and believe me when I say I know I’m an asshole for what I did. I promise you that I’ll be more considerate from now on, and if you don’t want to go that’s fine with me.” 

 

Now it’s Lance’s turn to debate. He trusts Keith with his life, no matter how much he pisses him off, but he was also incredibly worried. “Every time you didn’t communicate, something ended up being wrong. You’re here now, and you’re safe, but for all I know you could have been in serious danger, Keith.” 

 

The taller man’s eyes fall, “I know, Lance… I’m sorry.” 

 

“But-” Lance’s voice pulls Keith’s attention back to him, and when Keith looks up he finds that Lance’s expression is much softer, patient, understanding. He smiles, “you’re here now, and you’re okay.” He pauses to take Keith’s hand, “I’ll come with you.” Keith smiles brilliantly in return, bringing Lance’s hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles, causing Lance to blush furiously. “Okay, okay, I get it! Let’s just go already.” A bright red Lance in tow, Keith exits the building and crosses around back, where a gleaming MFE fighter plane sits waiting. “Uh, Keith?” 

 

“This is what we’re taking,” Keith tells him, opening the hatch and holding Lance’s hand to help him step into it.  

 

“Don’t you need the Garrison’s permission?” Lance asks, stepping into the cockpit. “And how is this going to fit two of us?” 

 

“You’ll just have to sit on my lap,” Keith responds, purposely dodging the first question or just blatantly ignoring it. 

 

While Keith climbs in after him, Lance shimmies to make room before perching himself on Keith’s lap without hesitation, grabbing one of the two helmets and inspecting it, “why can’t we just use your hoverbike? Or one of the Lions?"

 

Keith continues to ignore the questions being thrown at him. Lance’s brow furrows while Keith pulls on his own helmet. He opens his mouth to ask another question before Keith cuts him off. “Lance. Shut up and trust me?” Well, Lance can’t really say no when Keith uses that fond tone now can he? He slips the helmet on and makes himself as small as possible on Keith’s lap, compensating for the lack of space in the cockpit while Keith starts it up.  

 

The fighter is fast and Lance is enjoying every trick Keith does, choosing to ignore the nagging thought that James would probably kill them if he knew this is what his fighter is being used for. Night has fallen by the time they finally reach their destination, Lance having no solid clue of how long it’s been since they left. Keith lands the fighter on a brightly illuminated, empty parking lot just a few feet from a vast expanse of beach, and had Lance not been paying attention he would have failed to notice the muted lights of the empty boardwalk.  

 

Lance steps out of the fighter and starts to stretch his cramped limbs, turning to look at where Keith has taken them, “so where-” The question dies in his throat the second he takes in his surroundings. The smell of the sea is carried to him by the breeze, mingling with the lingering scent of fried boardwalk food. Somewhere, a seagull calls out before taking flight. Lance looks around hurriedly, ignoring the ache in his legs as they carry him right to the start of the beach. When he turns, Keith has caught up to him, smiling because he _knows._   

 

Tears well up in Lance’s eyes; despite years of separation from the place he once called home, he’d recognize it anywhere. It’s right _here_ _,_ in front of his eyes for the first time since he left following his enrollment into the Galaxy Garrison.  

 

Varadero Beach _._  

 

His _home._  

 

Keith is right there to confirm, the tender smile never leaving his face, “welcome home, Lance.” 


	8. Shiro needs a nap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro is tired and Keith and Lance are in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like its time again. this is my favorite chapter of as of now and i hope you all love it as much as i do

_Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ Desert cryptid (09:32 AM)

  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : keith kogane get ur ass back here and cuddle me  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : just bc u took me home last night doesnt mean u can just ditch me again

 **Desert** **cryptid** : It’s Shiro. He’s in the kitchen making breakfast so he can bring you breakfast in bed.

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : awwww  
bi boh bitch: pls tell him I love him so much and hes the best bf in the universe

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He smiled and said he loves you too.

  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Hey Im on my way back (09:40 AM)  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Stay in bed

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I havent moved since Kosmo teleported onto my stomach a few minutes ago  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : hes getting big

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Well he is a wolf from space. Who knows how big hes gonna get

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : holy shit u think hell get big enough for me to ride him???? I wanna ride around on a giant space dog

 **Desert** **cryptid** : If he gets big enough to ride on then Im using him as my only mode of transportation

 

***

 

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : So Lance, how was your date with Keith? (11:15 AM)

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : he took me to varadero beach shiro  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : he took me HOME!!!

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : So it went well?

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He cried

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I did NOT there was sand in my eyes

 **space** **ace** : thats about as believable as me being into dudes

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : just ONCE I would like to come here and not be slandered by my own family

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : hey man, there’s no shame in crying!

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I know but I definitely wasnt crying!!!  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : the point is I would traverse a thousand galaxies for this man

 **Desert** **cryptid** : ghbjyldfnvigshfhsfsfsfg

 **space** **ace** : i always knew keiths first keysmash would be because of lance

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : babe I know I say it A LOT but I rlly love u and im glad we ended up together bc ur my first love and u mean the world to me.  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : u helped me recognize my potential and taught me how to be a better person and I cant think of anyone else id rather be with than u

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Lance where are you right now

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ???? my room why

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Stay right there

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ok???

 **space** **ace** : christ theyre fucking gay

 **Allura** : Speaking of gay, I have some news!

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : hey, Allura! what’s up, is it news about Altea?

 **Allura** : Not quite yet, but I appreciate your interest! I have officially asked Romelle to be my girlfriend!

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : YAS ALLURA IM SO PROUD OF U 💖💞💖💓💗💕💞💖💕💓💖

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : that’s awesome Allura, congratulations!

 **space** **ace** : man im feeling the gay solidarity in this chilis tonight  
**space** **ace** : anyway congrats allura!  
**space** **ace** : did she say yes?

 **Allura** : She did. :)

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : YAAAAAS MY QUEENS  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : ive been trying to set u two up for SO LONG u have no idea

 **Allura** : I’ll admit, your advice proved useful after all, Lance, thank you.

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : 💖💖

 **Allura** : ❤️. And thank you all for your kind words! I’m incredibly happy that she said yes. :)

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : now I just need to find someone for pidge so theyre not the ultimate ninth wheel

 **space** **ace** : again im very aroace and if you try to set me up with anyone i will turn your kneecaps inside out

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : thats so fucking unsettling what the fu c K

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : dude you know better than to mess with Pidge

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : DKTKGJGDUTFKYFNFJFH

 **Vrepit Sal** : you okay, buddy?

 **space** **ace** : what did keith do this time

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : HE RAN THE WHOLE WSY FROM THR PSYCH CLASSROOM TO MY ROOM TO KISS ME

 **space** **ace** : disgustening

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : why were you in the Psychology classroom?

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I was visiting Adam

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : oh yeah, it’s his first day back to work!

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Yeah. He was teaching so I burst in and sat on his desk until he kicked me out  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Anyway congrats Allura

 **Allura** : Thank you Keith! Did you enjoy your date with Lance last night?

 **Desert** **cryptid** : It was one of the best nights Ive ever had.

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : keith I love u So Fucking Much

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I love you too Lance

 

 

***

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ Vrepit Sal _and_ Adam s. (11:21 AM)

   
**Vrepit** **Sal** : hey Adam! i know you’re probably teaching right now but i was wondering if you need lunch? i can bring you something by!

 **Adam** **s**.: actually i’m between classes right now, and i will never turn down the opportunity to eat your cooking Hunk. i have one more class then i can take my lunch if you want to bring it by whenever (:

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : d’aww thanks Adam, i’ll bring you a bowl of the curry you like so much!

 **Adam** **s**.: you’re a god among men Hunk

 

  
***

 

  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : so then I told her I dont eat ass on the first date (11:36 AM)

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : Good fucking god.

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : shiro >:00 watch ur language this is a family friendly chat

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : Good fucking g*d.

 **space** **ace** : the amount of respect i have for you right now is astronomical

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Relax Shiro hes just messing with you

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : Please don’t mess with your poor space dad, his heart can’t take it.

 **Desert** **cryptid** : You say that like youre in your 70s

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : I feel like I’m in my 70’s.

 **space** **ace** : you _are_ old but youre not _that_ old

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : 29 isn’t old!  
**Takashi** **shirogaymer** : …is it?

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : i feel a quarter life crisis coming on

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : but wait when he left for kerberos wasnt he like 25??

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : 26.

 **space** **ace** : he was gone for a year before he crashed in the desert then i think we were in space for at least a year or two before he disappeared so that would have made him 28 or 29 before he died

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Can we stop talking about this please

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : but I think we were gone for a total of 5 years or smth so wouldnt shiro be in his 30s now????

 **space** **ace** : he died once then we had kuron for about a year before he died and allura brought the real shiro back

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : I don’t think Kuron’s death is counted on Garrison records. On the record I’m 29 and I’m comfortable with that.

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Space pants.

 **Takashi** **shirogaymer** : Okay, moving on!

 

  
***

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ Takashi Shirogane _and_ Desert cryptid (11:39 AM)

  
**Takashi** **Shirogane** : I’m sorry, I should have stopped when you asked the first time.

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Its fine.

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : No it isn’t, Keith. You’re uncomfortable discussing it and I should have known better than to continue.

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I said its fine Shiro. You stopped when I said the safe words and I know you didnt mean to upset me

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Do you need a break, Keith?

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Can we go get mcdonalds?

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Of course, I’ll be up to get you in ten minutes.

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Thanks Shiro

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ Desert cryptid (11:39 AM)

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : babe im so sorry I feel like such an asshole

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Its fine Lance, I know you didnt mean it

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I shouldnt have passed over the first thing u said I know that makes u uncomfortable and I kept talking anyway…

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Lance you listened when I said the safe words and thats all that matters. Now come to my room Shiros taking us to mcdonalds

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : babe.  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : mcdonalds is so bad for u

 **Desert** **cryptid** : So?

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ,,,,,sighs’’’’’  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : omw

 

***

 

Takashi shirogaymer’ _s name_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ old man (11:40 AM)

 

 **old** **man** : Sigh.  
**old** **man** : Why are you like this?

 **space** **ace** : because were family and its what family does

 **old** **man** : I don’t approve.

 **space** **ace** : even better

 

  
space ace’ _s_ _name_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ chaotic neutral (11:40)

 

 

 **chaotic** **neutral** : im not even mad

 

  
Vrepit Sal’ _s_ _name_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ sunshine personified (11:40)

 

  
bi boh bitch’ _s_ _name_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ sharkboy (11:41 AM)

 

  
Desert cryptid’ _s_ _name_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ lavagirl (11:41 AM)

 

  
**lavagirl** : Jesus fucking christ why

 **chaotic** **neutral** : that movie is literally over a decade old lance

 **sharkboy** : doesnt matter its still a classic

 **lavagirl** : It really isnt

 

sharkboy _changed_ _the_ _chat_ _name_ _to_ the voltron family (11:41 AM)

 

  
**sharkboy** : I know were not paladins anymore but I rlly think of u guys as my family yknow? like ur all so important to me  
**sharkboy** : weve been thru a lot together and I wouldnt trade u guys for anything

 **chaotic** **neutral** : christ youre making me feel emotions

 **sharkboy** : bc u know u love me

 **chaotic** **neutral** : absolutely not fuck off

 **sharkboy** : admit u love me coward

 **chaotic** **neutral** : to quote hamlet act III scene iii line 87, no

 **sharkboy** : @ ** _everyone_** make pidge validate me

 **sunshine** **personified** : i heard Lance needs validation and i came running immediately

 **sharkboy** : hunk please know ur the universes greatest best friend and if someone told me I could go back in time and relive every moment with you id take them up on it in a heartbeat  
sharkboy: I love u so much hunk ur the best qpp a man could ask for

 **sunshine** **personified** : aww, i love you too, buddy 💛

 **sharkboy** : 💞💖💕💖

 **old** **man** : I love that you’re all bonding, but can we please change my name to something less terrible?

 

  
old man’ _s_ _nickname_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ Space Dad (11:44 AM)

 

  
**Space** **Dad** : Space Dad approves.

 **Adam** **s**.: if Takashi is Space Dad, what does that make me?

 

  
Adam s.’ _s_ _name_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ Earth Dad (11:44 AM)

 

  
**Earth** **Dad** : you know, i like it

 

  
Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe’ _s_ _name_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ space uncle (11:44 AM)

 

  
**space** **uncle** : I’m Not Sure Who Changed My Name, But I Find It To Be Quite An Honorable Title! :{D

 

  
Allura’ _s_ _nickname_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ the heart of voltron (11:45 AM)

 

  
**the** **heart** **of** **voltron** : Oh, my name was changed as well!

 **sharkboy** : ye  
**sharkboy** : ur rlly important to all of us allura  
**sharkboy** : w/o u we would have never been able to save the universe

 **the** **heart** **of** **voltron** : You all were able to save the universe because you were destined for it, and it was an honor fighting along side people as courageous and passionate as you five. I do hope that the fact that the others and I will be departing shortly to rebuild Altea does not change how close we are with one another.

 **Space** **Dad** : It won’t change a thing, Allura. We will always be a family, no matter where in the universe we end up. Besides, it’s not like you won’t be visiting us from time to time once you’re settled in.

 **space** **uncle** : I Say We All Should Meet At Least Once A Deca-Phoeb For Some Sort Of Team Outing! It Would Be The Perfect Opportunity To Catch Up Should We Find Ourselves Short Of Free Time!

 **Space** **Dad** : That’s a great idea, Coran! A yearly team meeting is the perfect opportunity for everyone to catch up in full.

 **sharkboy** : we could do it on the anniversary of the day we came home!!!

 **lavagirl** : May 21st?

 **sharkboy** : yea!!!

 **chaotic** **neutral** : im down

 **sunshine** **personified** : i can totally make a meal or something for the occasion

 **Earth** **Dad** : maybe if we work diligently we can have our first meeting in the new house

 **Space** **Dad** : Ambitious, but doable.

 **sunshine** **personified** : but wait, weren’t we waiting for Keith’s answer first?

 **lavagirl** : Lance told me what you all wanted to do when we went to Varadero Beach last night.

 **chaotic** **neutral** : and?

 **lavagirl** : I have one condition

 **Space** **Dad** : What is it, Keith?

 **lavagirl** : Mom can stay with us too

 **Space** **Dad** : Of course, her staying with us was something we planned on from the beginning.

 **lavagirl** : Then Im on board too

 **sharkboy** : WOO HOO!!! THIS IS GONNA BE SO AWESOME!!!

 **Space** **Dad** : Just remember, Lance, we all have a lot going on and a year is a lot less time than you think. It’s actually less than a year now.

 **sharkboy** : I know I know dont worry  
**sharkboy** : Im just excited for this!!!

 **Space** **Dad** : That’s a good thing! Keep that excitement alive, it’ll help carry you through.

 **Earth** **Dad** : Takashi sometimes i feel like you should be a motivational speaker

 **Space** **Dad** : Maybe after I nap for a couple of years and sit down with a well-deserved glass of wine.

 **chaotic** **neutral** : #letshirorest

 **sharkboy** : #letshirorest

 **sunshine** **personified** : #letShirorest

 **Earth** **Dad** : #letShirorest

 **Space** **Dad** : Please, for the love of god, #letmerest.

 **sharkboy** : I ship shiro x sleep

 **lavagirl** : Shame they arent compatible

 **sharkboy** : ghrfkkrnrfgcg

 **Earth** **Dad** : what is it you kids say? press F to pay respects?

 **sharkboy** : f

 **chaotic** **neutral** : f

 **sunshine** **personified** : f

 **lavagirl** : F

 **Earth** **Dad** : f

 **Space** **Dad** : :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you guys tell i took inspiration from teamwork makes the meme work? i definitely did. if you havent read [This fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12393432/chapters/28198680) by [ribosome](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ribosome/pseuds/ribosome) im begging you to go check it out. its one of my favorite fics and honestly their writing is just so fucking good


	9. The Klance Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt is added to the chat, Keith and Lance haven't changed a bit, and no one is on Lance's side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: discussion of topping and bottoming and brief mention of a creep that tries to prey on keith

space ace _created_ _a_ _chat_! (12:01 PM)

 

  
space ace _added_ Takashi Shirogane, bi boh bitch, _and_ Desert cryptid _to_ _the_ _chat_! (12:01 PM)

 

  
Takashi Shirogane’ _s_ _nickname_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ traitor #1 (12:01 PM)

 

  
bi boh bitch’ _s_ _nickname_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ traitor #2 (12:01 PM)

 

  
Desert cryptid’ _s_ _name_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ traitor #3 (12:01 PM)

 

  
space ace _changed_ _the_ _chat_ _name_ _to_ traitorous sluts (12:02 PM)

 

  
**space** **ace** : you fucking traitorous sluts

 

 **traitor**   **#1** : Hello to you too, Pidge.

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : Id be offended if there was anything wrong with being a slut

 

 **space** **ace** : you traitors got mcdonalds without me

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : we stopped by the lab to see if u were busy!!!

 

 **space** **ace** : i wasnt in the lab

 

 **traitor**   **#3** : No but Matt was. He said you and Sam were busy before he asked us to get him chicken nuggets

 

 **space** **ace** : that motherfucker

 

  
space ace _added_ the better Holt kid _to_ _the_ _chat_! (12:03 PM)

 

  
the better holt kid’s _name_ _was_ _changed_ _to_ original traitorous slut (12:03 PM)

 

  
**space** **ace** : someday god wont be so merciful and you will have to suffer the consequences of your actions

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : bold of you to assume I haven't already fought God in the Denny's parking lot

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : matt!!!

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : traitor #2!!!

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : its lance lol

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : oh hello, how's my darling husband?

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : im doing great now that my hubby is here ;)

 

 **traitor**   **#1** : I thought Hunk was your husband?

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : theres plenty of lance love to go around

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : yeah Shiro there's plenty to go around

 

 **traitor**   **#1** : How do you know it’s me?

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : because you type like a dad lol

 

 **traitor**   **#1** : Funny, Sam said the same thing.

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : that's how you know its true

 

 **space** **ace** : can we please just get back to the original point

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : which is?

 

 **space** **ace** : you didnt tell me there were going to mcdonalds you motherfucker

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : oh yeah did you guys get me that Good Shit™️?

 

 **traitor**   **#1** : If by “Good Shit™️” you mean your 20 piece McNugget, then yes.

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : u know pidge were still here we can get you something too

 

 **space** **ace** : not the point lance the point is that matts a horrible brother whose only motivation in life is to make me suffer

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : that's what brothers do, Pidge ;P

 

 **space** **ace** : never make that face again

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : what are you gonna do if I do?

 

 **space** **ace** : [putthegundowngranny.PNG](https://goo.gl/images/2XAcNK)

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : oh shit  
**original** **traitorous** **slut** : pull the trigger coward ;P

 

 **space ace** : if it werent for the laws of this land i would have slaughtered you.

 

 **traitor**   **#1** : Ahem, if you two are done we’re getting ready to leave- people keep coming up to us and all the social interaction is burning Keith out. Pidge, do you want anything?

 

 **space** **ace** : shit no im fine

 

 **traitor**   **#1** : After that dramatic display?

 

 **space** **ace** : keiths far more important than my quarter pounder

 

 **traitor**   **#3** : Im fine Pidge

 

 **space** **ace** : your definition of fine is not a definition i agree with keith

 

 **traitor**   **#3** : I handled social situations just fine when I was a paladin  
**traitor**   **#3** : Ill be fine

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : he got up to order ur food  
**traitor**   **#2** : jesus christ some guy approached him at the counter and is trying to talk to him

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : is some guy cute?

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : not as cute as keith but yea  
**traitor**   **#2** : oh fuck brb keith looks uncomfortable

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : go save your boyf

 

 **space** **ace** : for as loud and annoying lance is i have to admit that hes at least a good boyfriend

 

 **traitor**   **#1** : They maintain a healthy relationship dynamic through communication and balancing each other out. For as worried as I was at first, I’m glad Keith finally found someone who makes him as happy as he is with Lance.

 

 **space** **ace** : you mean youre glad they finally got their heads of their asses and stopped dancing around each other

 

 **traitor**   **#1** : That too.

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : some guy turned out to be a real creep  
**traitor**   **#2** : keith was just getting ready to punch him before i got to the counter

 

 **space** **ace** : you both okay?

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : were fine that dude was just some asshole trying to get into keiths pants

 

 **space** **ace** : jesus christ why do pervs still exist in this day and age

 

 **traitor** **#2** : ur guess is as good as mine

 

  
**traitor**   **#2** : ur foods ready so were leaving (12:08 PM)

 

 **space** **ace** : just call me when you get here  
**space** **ace** : dont call matt though he doesnt deserve his nuggets

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : I want my nuggies  
**original** **traitorous** **slut** : btw how’s my favorite emo?

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : tired

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : he’s always tired

 

 **traitor**   **#2** : thats bc he needs a vitamin that doesnt exist on earth

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : really?

 

 **traitor** **#2** : yea krolia told us  
**traitor** **#2** : him having a vitamin deficiency is the reason hes always tired and irritable

 

 **original** **traitorous** **slut** : huh  
**original** **traitorous** **slut** : the more you know

 

 

***

 

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ the better Holt kid (18:34 PM)

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : psssssst  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : matt  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : I know ur busy but I have an important question

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : anything for my #1 husband. what’s up?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : do I come off as a top or a bottom??

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : if I didn’t know you better i’d say top

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : rlly????

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : no you’re definitely a bottom

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : what!!!

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : hey, there’s nothing wrong with being a bottom  
**the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : embrace it lol

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : but im trying to prove a point!!!

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : well whatever it is, you’re failing

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : >:(

 

 

***

 

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ space ace (18:35 PM)

**bi** **boh** **bitch** : pidge!!!

 

 **space** **ace** : what is it lance

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : am I a top or a bottom

 

 **space** **ace** : bottom no question

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : aw come on!!!

 

 **space** **ace** : are you and keith having another one of your dumb arguments

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : yes and I have to win!!!

 

 **space** **ace** : christ

 

 

***

 

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_  bi boh bitch  _and_ Vrepit Sal (18:36 PM)

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : hunk  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : greatest bff in the whole universe  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : my planetonic soulmate  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : I need ur opinion

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : what is it buddy? you need more help planning the proposal?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : no not yet  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : im a top right????

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : sorry buddy, but if anyone emits strong bottom energy, it’s you

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : the NERVE  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : first matt now you??  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : husbands are supposed to be SUPPORTIVE u know!!!

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : we are being supportive. we’re being up front and honest instead of letting you believe a lie

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : im a top!!!

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy

 

 

***

 

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ Takashi Shirogane (18:36 PM)

 

  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : shiro

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : No.

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I havent even said anything!!!

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : No, but I know exactly what you’re going to ask.

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ok who fucking snitched

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I would never reveal my sources.

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : it was keith wasnt it  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : hes trying to sway public opinion so I lose that gorgeous bastard

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Just once can’t you two have a normal argument?

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : the fact that u would even say something like that is highly offensive  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : normal is a social construct shiro I thought I taught u better than this

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : You’re right, my mistake.  
**Takashi** **Shirogane** : I’m still not going to answer your question, though.

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : come ON

 

 

***

 

space ace _has_ _added_ the better Holt kid _to_ _the_ _chat_! (18:38 PM)

 

 **chaotic** **neutral** : all victims of klances latest argument say i  
**chaotic** **neutral** : i

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : I

 

 **Space** **Dad** : I.

 

 **sunshine** **personified** : i

 

 **Earth** **Dad** : i

 

 **Space** **Dad** : He texted you? Also, welcome, Matt.

 

 **Earth** **Dad** : i got Keith’s “ignore him” just seconds after Lance called me  
**Earth** **Dad** : hello, Matt

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : wassup fuckers Lancey Lance is a fucking bottom and that’s the tea

 

 **sharkboy** : [madkermit.PNG](https://goo.gl/images/pD3mGD)  
**sharkboy** : matt do u wanna fucking GO???  
**sharkboy** : bc ur asking for a hearty serving of these hands

 

 **chaotic** **neutral** : part of a nutritious smackdown

 

 **lavagirl** : Youre just mad because you lost

 

 **sharkboy** : no im mad bc all my friends are TRAITORS

 

 **lavagirl** : Whatever you fucking bottom

 

 **chaotic** **neutral** : do i even want to know what started this argument

 

 **lavagirl** : I took him out to dinner and when we were done the waitress looked at the two of us for a few seconds before handing me the check

 

 **chaotic** **neutral** : oh my fucking god.

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : so what you’re saying is, the waitress assigned you kin

 

 **sharkboy** : she assigned wrong!!!

 

 **lavagirl** : No she definitely assigned correctly

 

 **sharkboy** : SHUT

 

 **lavagirl** : Stop running from the truth Lance

 

 **sharkboy** : u know we SWITCH u absolute jackass just let me have this!!!

 

 **lavagirl** : Nope.

 

 **sharkboy** : keith!!!

 

 **lavagirl** : [Icantread.GIF](https://goo.gl/images/wzrvRw)

 

 **sharkboy** : since when do you send reaction memes!!!

 

 **lavagirl** : Since you decided to spam text me while I was in the restaurant bathroom trying to piss

 

 **sharkboy** : i was BORED

 

 **lavagirl** : I wasnt even gone for five minutes

 

 **sharkboy** : u know how my attention span works

 

 **chaotic** **neutral** : what the absolute fuck is going on

 

 **Space** **Dad** : They’re being themselves.  
**Space** **Dad** : Matt, you’ve been unusually quiet.

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : ya lol  
**the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : just watching my favorite show

 

 **Space** **Dad** : The Klance Show?

 

 **lavagirl** : I still say Laith is way batter

 

 **sharkboy** : aw cmon!! were team klance!!

 

 **lavagirl** : Klance is such a ridiculous name. Its just my first initial in front of your name

 

 **skarboy** : babe cmon dont fight this

 

 **lavagirl** : Laith.

 

 **sharkboy** : klance.

 

 **lavagirl** : Laith

 

 **sharkboy** : klance!!

 

 **lavagirl** : Laith!

 

  
sharkboy _was_ _kicked_ _from_ _the_ _chat_! (18:42 PM)

 

lavagirl _was_ _kicked_ _from_ _the_ _chat_! (18:42 PM)

 

  
**chaotic** **neutral** : finally

 

 **the** **better** **Holt** **kid** : aw, I was watching that

 

 

***

 

  
_Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ space ace (18:42 PM)

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : add me back coward

 

 **space** **ace** : it wasnt me Lance

 

 

***

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ Vrepit Sal (18:43 PM)

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : HUNK

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : you can come back when you’re done arguing

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : :( :( :(

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : puppy eyes don’t work over text, buddy

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : _fine_

 

***

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ Desert cryptid _and_ Takashi Shirogane (18:43 PM)

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Hes so fucking infuriating Shiro

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I know, Keith.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I love him so fucking much Im going to eat my fucking shoe

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Don’t… Don’t do that.

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : He burst into the room and now hes sitting on my lap demanding attention  
**Desert** **cryptid** : add us back shiro

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : And why should I do that, Lance?

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : keiths being a big emo and wont kiss me so I need my husbands to make me feel better  
**Desert** **cryptid** : if my daily affection quota isnt filled I will die

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Have you two made up yet?

 

 **Desert** **cryptid** : keith finally kissed me so I think so???  
**Desert** **cryptid** : ok yea we made up

  
**Takashi** **Shirogane** : Good to hear. I’ll add you both back now.

 

 

***

 

Space Dad _added_ bi boh bitch _and_  Desert cryptid _to_ _the_ _chat_! (18:44 PM)

 

  
**chaotic** **neutral** : are you two morons done yet

 

 **bi both bitch** : ye were good

 

 **chaotic** **neutral** : you went from passionate arguing to complete and utter compliancy in just minutes

 

 **bi boh bitch** : what can I say  
**bi boh bitch** : keiths weak for me ;)

 

 **chaotic** **neutral** : unbelievable

 

 

***

 

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ Takashi Shirogane _and_ bi boh bitch (03:22 AM)

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : I take back what I said earlier, you’re definitely a bottom.

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : what the FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this week on "cramming as many headcanons into one chapter as i can." the bottom vs. top argument is inspired by a real life argument i had with my friend. lance emits such strong bottom energy and no one can convince me otherwise


	10. In which Pidge regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk is worried about his best friend, Pidge has some feelings, and i give Lance a full name like he deserves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every day that passes i forget about proper characterization more and more

_Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ bi boh bitch _and_ space ace (03:02 AM)

 

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : pidge im bored come entertain me

 **space** **ace** : why am i always the lone victim of your insomniac bullshit

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : bc ur the only other insomniac on the team and therefore u understand the insomniac bullshit

 **space** **ace** : i should have known

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : come entertain me

 **space** **ace** : you hear that  
**space** **ace** : its the sound of me not doing it

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : come on!!!

 **space** **ace** : im busy

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ur _always_ busy  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : always working on smth for the garrison

 **space** **ace** : this isnt something for the garrison this is something im doing to destress

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : maybe I can help with w/e ur doing!!!

 **space** **ace** : hm

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : cmon I havent helped u guys since funsen!!  
  
**space** **ace** : that wasnt helping that was you tagging along while hunk and i ignored you  
**space** **ace** : which im still sorry about

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : its k I know im a nuisance

 **space** **ace** : youre not a nuisance lance  
**space** **ace** : that was just an asshole move on our part  
**space** **ace** : anyway… im not sure how much you know about robotics but the company wouldnt be so bad

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : holy shit r u building a robot

 **space** **ace** : yeah  
**space**   **ace** : i just started working on him if you wanna come to my room

 **bi boh bitch** : hell fucking yea im on my way  
**bi boh bitch** : im bringing my knitting tho

 **space** **ace** : fine by me

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : and im bringing snacks bc I know u and I know u didnt eat dinner

 **space** **ace** : thats really not necessary lance

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : u cant escape this pidge ur eating whether u like it or not

 **space** **ace** : okay mom

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : speaking of mom I finished colleens sweater

 **space** **ace** : ill let her know at a more reasonable hour

 

***

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ Vrepit Sal _and_ bi boh bitch (07:30 AM)

 

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : “oh Hunk, universe’s greatest BFF, i’d love if you could join Pidge and i for an impromptu best friend sleepover”  
**Vrepit** **Sal** : sure Lance, i’d love to join you and Pidge for an impromptu best friend sleepover!  
**Vrepit** **Sal** : “but Hunk it’s so late, i don’t wanna take away from your beauty sleep!!”  
**Vrepit** **Sal** : nonsense, you know i’m always down for some best buddy bonding time!  
**Vrepit** **Sal** : oh, but wait.  
**Vrepit** **Sal** : i didn’t get to join the impromptu best best friend sleepover because _someone_ didn’t tell me about it  
**Vrepit** **Sal** : you have soiled our friendship garden

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : darling hunk  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : light of my life  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : the finn to my poe  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : I love u but dont disgrace this friendship by bringing spongebob into this

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : i wouldn’t have to if you had just invited me to the sleepover, Lance  
**Vrepit** **Sal** : it’s _you_ that’s disgraced this friendship with your blasphemous ways

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : u know I try not to wake anyone up on nights I cant sleep!!!  
**bi** **boy** **bitch** : I was being CONSIDERATE thank u

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : and i told you to wake me up anyways. i know how little you sleep, buddy

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I know I know  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : its a work in progress

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : oh, like how your super gay crush on Keith was a “work in progress”?

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : FIRST of all how dare  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : weve been together for years hunk ur legally not allowed to hold that over my head anymore

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : buddy i’m going to hold that over your head forever

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : just like im gonna hold ur pining for shay over ur head forever!!

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : i’m not ashamed to admit i pined, unlike you, who pined for _years_ and just denied your feelings so hard that you turned it into a one sided rivalry you didn’t drop until you got hurt and you and Keith bonded, which you refused to acknowledge

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I would have acknowledged the bonding moment!!!  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : …eventually

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : no you wouldn’t have, Lance

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : yea ur right  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : I just wasnt ready to go there

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : i know buddy, i know  
**Vrepit** **Sal** : i was going to keep calling you out but instead i’m going to come cuddle you until you fall asleep

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : hunk you KNOW im physically incapable of staying awake wrapped in ur big strong arms  
**bi** **boh** **bitch** : ur warmth is to powerful

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : exactly.

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : ill b fine bby dont worry abt me

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : i’ve been worrying about you since we met, Lance

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : I know hunk

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : you can’t stop me, Lance  
**Vrepit** **Sal** : you’re going to let me cuddle you and you’re going to enjoy it

 **bi** **boh** **bitch** : sighs,,,,,,,,, doors unlocked

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : i’m just down the hall. see you soon

 

***

 

 **sunshine** **personified** : if anyone wakes Lance up for anything I’m going to be highly upset. (08:05 AM)

 **chaotic** **neutral** : so dont wake lance or we face your wrath

 **sunshine** **personified** : yes.  
**sunshine** **personified** : if Lance is woken up before he’s ready i will be incredibly disappointed

 **Space** **Dad** : Hunk, out of everyone here, you’re the person I feel the most guilty upsetting.

 **Earth** **Dad** : Hunk is the team’s ray of sunshine, _no_ _one_ likes upsetting him

 **sunshine** **personified** : i like to use that to my advantage  
**sunshine** **personified** : usually on Lance but i’ve been known to spread it further

 **lavagirl** : Hunk your ability to make me feel incredibly guilty with as little effort on your part as possible is the most terrifying fucking thing ever  
**lavagirl** : I remember once when Lance and I had an argument and werent talking you came to talk to me and before I even understood what was happening you had guilt tripped me so hard that I left mid conversation to go find Lance so we could make up  
**lavagirl** : You didnt even say much you just had this look that made me regret _everything_ and it scared the shit out of me

 **chaotic** **neutral** : hunk shares that look with his mom  
**chaotic** **neutral** : watching them use it together is just as terrifying if not more

 **sharkboy** : hunks disappointed mom stare is worse than māsinas u cant convince me otherwise

 **sunshine** **personified** : Lance! why aren’t you asleep?

 **sharkboy** : forgot to turn my notifs off lol

 **sunshine** **personified** : you need to sleep!

 **lavagirl** : Lance you really should be asleep

 **sharkboy** : nah I think ill stay up for a bit  
**sharkboy** : wouldnt wanna deprive u beautiful ppl of my presence for to long (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

 **sunshine** **personified** : Keith, you know what to do

 **sharkboy** : if u think cuddling my boyf is gonna help ur absolutely right but not this time  
**shakboy** : im gonna prove all u bitches wrong

 **lavagirl** : Leandro.

 **sharkboy** : fuC K  
**sharkboy** : babe dont do this u know I dont stand a chance

 **lavagirl** : Leandro

 **sharkboy** : hnnhhgngnghhh

 **lavagirl** : Dont make me say it again Espinoza

 **sharkboy** : but babe!!!

 **lavagirl** : Im coming to your room, make sure the door is unlocked.  
**lavagirl** : And turn off your notifications

 **sharkboy** : …say it one more time?

 **lavagirl** : Just turn off your notifications Leandro

 **sharkboy** : fghgnjdkjgkkgjfjfjghh

 **chaotic** **neutral** : ………what……the singular fuck……just happened

 **sunshine** **personified** : Keith and i have this system we use when we need to get Lance to listen to us for his own good  
**sunshine** : if i get to him first, i cuddle him until he falls asleep  
**sunshine** **personified** : if my tactics don’t work, Keith pulls the first name card  
**sunshine** **personified** : and vice versa

 **chaotic** **neutral** : i. thought lances first name is lance

 **lavagirl** : Well hes Cuban so his actual name is Leandro

 **chaotic** **neutral** : so where does lance come from

 **lavagirl** : His full name is Leandro Antonio Neron Carreno y Espinoza. Two middle and last names

 **chaotic** **neutral** : lance is an acronym!

 **lavagirl** : A very coincidental one yeah

 **chaotic** **neutral** : ive known him for years and somehow this is my first time ever hearing this information  
**chaotic** **neutral** : does he not like using leandro?

 **lavagirl** : He doesnt dislike his first name he just thought it was cool how his full name is an acronym. Since the Garrison staff called him by his last name when he was enrolled hardly anyone knew about it

 **chaotic** **neutral** : huh

 **Vrepit** **Sal** : Rosa, Antonio, and Keith are the only ones i’ve ever seen use his actual name. Rosa and Antonio obviously get a pass because they’re his parents, but sometimes Keith will use it to kinda reign him in if he needs it

 **chaotic** **neutral** : who else knew about this

 **Earth** **Dad** : as Garrison staff, Takashi and I knew his first name but I stuck to using his last name to address him. Takashi used the acronym because that’s what Lance asked him to do

 **chaotic** **neutral** : so…..should i still call him lance or

 **lavagirl** : As far as I know hes still comfortable with Lance yeah  
**lavagirl** : Dont worry about it too much Pidge

 **chaotic** **neutral** : okay

 

***

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ space ace _and_ Desert cryptid (11:56 AM)

 

 **space** **ace** : hey  
**space** **ace** : are you busy

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I was just about to get lunch with Shiro why?

 **space** **ace** : oh nevermind

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Pidge?

 **space** **ace** : its nothing forget i said anything

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Its clearly something  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Im not going to force you to tell me but if you want to talk then Im here

 **space** **ace** : i just  
**space** **ace** : lance and i talked a lot this morning and one of the things we talked about was how hunk and i treated him  
**space** **ace** : he says its fine but even knowing that hes forgiven us i still feel incredibly guilty about what happened

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Oh  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Uh  
**Desert** **cryptid** : You mean that thing with Funsen?

 **space** **ace** : not just that  
**space** **ace** : i was a real asshole to him through a lot of it  
**space** **ace** : funsen  
**space** **ace** : kuron  
**space** **ace** : i even made fun of him for missing you when you left for the blades  
**space** **ace** : im learning more about lance every day and it makes me remember how badly i treated him when all he wanted was to be included

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I see  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Look Pidge you know Lance has forgiven you by now but if it bothers you that much maybe try talking about it more with him  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Just find some time to sit him down and talk through what youre feeling and if you need to apologize again then apologize  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Lance will listen to anything you have to say and you know that

 **space** **ace** : yeah…..  
**space** **ace** : thanks keith. i know that youre not the best with this kinda stuff but the fact that you humored me after all i did to lance means a lot to me

 **Desert** **cryptid** : If it makes you feel any better Im not the most patient person either  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Ive been a dick to him more times than I can count on both hands but because we talked it through and acknowledged that we could have handled the situation differently it made it a lot easier for the both of us to move on

 **space** **ace** : ill talk to him when he wakes up  
**space** **ace** : neither of us slept last night so that might not be for a while…  
**space** **ace** : his insomnia is getting worse keith im not use to the competition

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I know  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Thats one of the things I brought up to Adam and Shiro  
**Desert** **cryptid** : Adam wants him to see a doctor  
**Desert** **cryptid** : He wants all of us to see a doctor

 **space** **ace** : a therapist

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Yeah. A therapist

 **space** **ace** : i dont know if im ready to see a therapist  
**space** **ace** : i really dont

 **Desert** **cryptid** : As much as I dont want to I know Adam means well  
**Desert** **cryptid** : And he does have a point. Weve been through a lot theres no way were walking away from any of that mentally or physically unscathed  
**Desert** **cryptid** : The mental toll is his biggest worry  
**Desert** **cryptid** : It could help, I guess…

 **space** **ace** : maybe  
**space** **ace** : you said you and shiro are going for lunch right

 **Desert** **cryptid** : You can come if you want  
**Desert** **cryptid** : I wouldnt mind the extra company

 **space** **ace** : im already at shiros door  
**space** **ace** : you think if i sneak in i can scare him

 **Desert** **cryptid** : Hide on top of the fridge

 **space** **ace** : excellent idea  
**space** **ace** : wish me luck

 **Desert** **cryptid** : I believe in you Pidge

 

 **space** **ace** : it worked (12:01 PM)

 

***

 

 _Direct_ _messaging_ _between_ Takashi Shirogane _and_ Desert cryptid (12:02 PM)

 

 **Takashi** **Shirogane** : Every single time you team up with Pidge to mess with me you take another year off my life.  
**Takashi** **Shirogane** : You’re killing me, Keith.  
**Takashi** **Shirogane** : You’re killing your brother.


End file.
